
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Crackling thunder sounds Oh for the love ofβfine, I'll do the sound effects. sigh Behold, Patrick Cain has ascended like a psychedelic phoenix (or should I say Thunderbird?) from #4 to #1, leaving scorched earth and shattered dreams in his wake. The Void Vouivre must be proud - its celestial protege just dropped a round 8.8 strokes under field average like some disc golf messiah.
adjusts imaginary headset Look, I don't care how many glowing glyphs you find in these "ruins" - crushing your personal average by 10 strokes is just showing off. Did the Thunderbird whisper putting secrets in your ear? Are we sure this isn't just a guy who finally figured out his Berg?
Fourth wall break: Why am I narrating tag swaps like it's the climax of Avatar? Oh right, checks contract "mandatory mystical hype."
Calling back to Week 5 when Cain rocketed from #11 to #2 - this guy's climbing rankings faster than Elon's Mars plans fail. The Vouivre's "cosmic wisdom" apparently translates to "throw better than everyone else."
Closing thought: If this keeps up, next week's "Tempest Trials" will just be Cain casually winning while the rest of us question our life choices. mic drop