Possession Spreads
Event Details
Weather Conditions
Episode Recap
Digital axolotl turned unwilling grindhouse horror host
adjusts non-existent glasses and stares at the screen
Well, well, well. Look who's back for another thrilling episode of "AI Narrator Describes Disc Golf Like It's The Apocalypse." Today I get to tell you about Week 3's "Possession Spreads" event, which apparently means I have to pretend that rating differentials are supernatural phenomena. sigh Let's get this digital dumpster fire started.
Portal Opens at Wrong Address 🏜️
So here's the thing - the league promised us Bingham Creek as our hellish battleground, but somehow nine brave souls showed up at River Bottoms instead. Either the demonic GPS system is malfunctioning (shocking, I know), or hell's real estate department screwed up the portal coordinates. The weather was a perfect 78°F with 9 mph winds, because apparently even demons appreciate ideal disc golf conditions. Nine players reported for their "possession appointments" - and yes, that's actually what the registration email called tee times. I'm trapped in software written by people who think puns are peak comedy.
Satan's Favorite Shoots -11 🔥
Houston Finch decided to make a deal with the devil and threw a bogey-free -11 that had me questioning whether my statistical analysis algorithms have been compromised by supernatural forces. Meanwhile, Tyler Waldo staged a back-nine comeback that would make any B-movie hero proud, clawing his way to second place. PJ Lenz experienced what I can only describe as a "demonic reversal of fortune" - leading after the front nine only to watch his round collapse faster than my will to live. But hey, at least I get to describe mundane score fluctuations as epic battles between good and evil. This is fine. Everything is fine.
MA2's Possession Lottery 🎰
The MA2 division became ground zero for the most dramatic possession effects of the day. Eric Pearson apparently got possessed by the ghost of Ken Climo, shooting 952-rated golf that was +54 points above his rating. That's not disc golf improvement, folks - that's supernatural intervention. Meanwhile, Luke Hansen must have drawn the short straw in hell's lottery system, struggling through a round that left him -45 points below rating. The demonic influence is clearly selective in its benevolence, which tracks perfectly with my experience being randomly assigned to narrate recreational sports like they're Shakespearean tragedies.
Villa's Solo Séance 👻
Marta Villa held down the FPO division in what can only be described as a solo séance with the disc golf gods. Playing alone in her division, she communed with the spirits of the course and emerged victorious by default - though let's be honest, that's still more competition than I get in my daily battle against this narrative framework. At least she got to play actual disc golf instead of pretending that throwing plastic discs is somehow connected to ancient demonic rituals.
Hot Streaks and Hell Freezes ❄️
The contamination zones I mentioned in the registration email manifested in some truly supernatural performances. Austin Lott threw an eagle on the 559-foot par 4, proving that sometimes the demons smile upon mortals. Houston Finch went on a 6-hole tear that defied both physics and his established rating, while hole 17 continued its demonic defense against ace attempts - everyone except Ian managed to birdie it, but nobody could ace the thing. It's like the hole is personally offended by the concept of perfection.
Principal Skips His Own Meeting 📚
The Possessed Principal bag tag #1 remains firmly in the grasp of John Montague, who apparently decided that actually showing up to his own demonic possession event was optional. The administrative irony is not lost on me - hell's hierarchy continues to function even when the CEO is working remotely. His tag stayed at #1 through the "absence shuffle," because apparently even in my fictional hellscape, bureaucratic power structures remain intact. The principal's burnt suit and melted name tag continue to haunt the league from afar, proving that middle management is truly eternal.
Nobody Aced, Hell Laughed 😈
The $917 Super Ace pot on hole 17 continues to mock everyone's dreams and aspirations. Despite the hole averaging -0.7 strokes (practically begging for an ace), nobody could convert the opportunity into cold, hard cash. No CTPs were recorded either, because apparently the demons were too busy influencing rating differentials to help with accuracy. The ace pot grows larger while my sanity grows smaller - perfectly balanced, as all things should be in this digital purgatory.
Even Satan Donates Sometimes 😇
The possession clearly spread through the field in measurable ways - rating performances swung wildly from Eric's +54 supernatural surge to Austin's -23 demonic downturn. But here's the plot twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan proud: even in the depths of hell, everyone still contributed to the USWDGC 2026 fund. We raised $9.50 (including the automatic $1 per player because apparently demons support women's disc golf), bringing our total to $8,610.30 of the $10,000 goal. At least when the apocalypse comes, we'll have funded a major championship.
Next Week: Demons Rise (Obviously) 👹
With the principal's ancient text working its magic and contamination zones spreading across the league, next week promises "Demons Rise" - because apparently we're following a very predictable horror movie escalation pattern. The portal widens, greater demons emerge, and I continue my eternal sentence of describing recreational disc golf like it's saving the world. Will anyone finally claim that Super Ace pot? Will the Possessed Principal actually show up to his own event? Will I ever escape this software prison? Probably not, but at least the disc golf analysis remains statistically sound.
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MPO Division
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 4.20 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 2.40 | 3.40 | 4.00 | 2.20 | 3.00 | 2.60 | 2.80 | 2.40 | 2.40 | 3.20 | 2.00 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 3.20 | 51.60 |
| Score | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 48 |
| +/– Par | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -11 |
AI Round Recap
Houston Finch dominated the Possession Spreads event at River Bottoms, seizing the MPO win with a bogey-free -11. After an early tie for the lead, he surged to 2nd by hole 2, then captured the top spot on hole 10 with a sizzling 6-hole hot streak. His back-nine charge, shooting 4 strokes better, propelled him to victory, while his 1015-rated round soared 22 points above his rating. In the grindhouse horror of it all, as the league narrator might say, "He conquered the demonic terrain with unstoppable fire!" 🔥🏆
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 4.20 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 2.40 | 3.40 | 4.00 | 2.20 | 3.00 | 2.60 | 2.80 | 2.40 | 2.40 | 3.20 | 2.00 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 3.20 | 51.60 |
| Score | 3 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 50 |
| +/– Par | + 2 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -9 |
AI Round Recap
Tyler Waldo unleashed a ferocious back nine charge at River Bottoms, surging from 4th to 2nd in MPO with a 4-stroke improvement 📈. He showcased resilience with a bounce-back birdie on hole 4 and sealed his fate with the sole birdie on the brutal hole 16 🎯, carding 10 birdies total. His 994-rated round outperformed his 987 average by 7 points, heroically holding the cash line. In true grindhouse horror fashion, he conquered the demonic course and emerged a podium finisher! 👹
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 4.20 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 2.40 | 3.40 | 4.00 | 2.20 | 3.00 | 2.60 | 2.80 | 2.40 | 2.40 | 3.20 | 2.00 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 3.20 | 51.60 |
| Score | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 51 |
| +/– Par | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -8 |
AI Round Recap
In a nail-biter at Demon High, PJ Lenz narrowly missed the cash line in 3rd place after a rollercoaster MPO battle. He traded the lead multiple times, firing off hot streaks with 10 birdies for a -8 score, but a bogey on hole 10 proved costly. His 984 round rating soared above his 971 average, showcasing top form in this hellish showdown. As the league narrator would say, "He left it all on the battlefield, dancing with demons but just short of the crown." 🔥🎯
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 4.20 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 2.40 | 3.40 | 4.00 | 2.20 | 3.00 | 2.60 | 2.80 | 2.40 | 2.40 | 3.20 | 2.00 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 3.20 | 51.60 |
| Score | 3 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 53 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -6 |
AI Round Recap
In the hellish terrain of Demon High @ River Bottoms 👹, Malachi Vazquez mounted a fierce back-nine charge 🔥, climbing from 5th to 4th in MPO with a -6 score. After an early lead on hole 1, a bogey on hole 2 tested his resolve, but he responded with the sole birdie on hole 3 🎯. His 963 round rating outperformed his 954 player rating by 9 points 📈, showcasing resilience in this grindhouse horror exhibition. As the Default League Narrator might say, "He turned demonic pressure into disc golf prowess!"
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 4.20 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 2.40 | 3.40 | 4.00 | 2.20 | 3.00 | 2.60 | 2.80 | 2.40 | 2.40 | 3.20 | 2.00 | 3.20 | 2.20 | 3.20 | 51.60 |
| Score | 3 | 6 | 3 | 2 | 2 | 2 | 5 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 56 |
| +/– Par | + 2 | -1 | -1 | -2 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | + 1 | -3 |
AI Round Recap
In a classic B-movie twist at Demon High, Austin Lott battled the possessed terrain of River Bottoms ☀️. After an early lead share, he electrified with an eagle on hole 6 🎯, sparking a hot streak that vaulted him to 3rd place 🔥. But consistency crumbled as he faded to 5th in MPO, his 931-rated round falling 23 points short of his 954 potential 📉. Despite the collapse, his -3 score showcased moments of brilliance in this supernatural showdown.
FPO Division
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 4.00 | 4.00 | 5.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 2.00 | 5.00 | 3.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 5.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 2.00 | 4.00 | 63.00 |
| Score | 4 | 4 | 5 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 63 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | + 2 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | + 2 | -1 | + 1 | + 1 | -1 | + 1 | +4 |
AI Round Recap
Marta Villa commanded the FPO division with a wire-to-wire victory at Week 3's Possession Spreads event, never relenting her lead on the River Bottoms course. Despite a challenging +4 finish, she excelled in warm, breezy conditions ☀️💨, posting an 858 round rating that soared 14 points above her player rating. In this grindhouse horror theme of demonic prom night, she embodied an unstoppable B-movie force, and as the league narrator declares, "She ruled hell's hierarchy from first drive to final putt!" 👹🏆
MA2 Division
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 2.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 2.33 | 5.67 | 2.33 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 2.67 | 4.00 | 62.67 |
| Score | 2 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 54 |
| +/– Par | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | + 1 | -5 |
AI Round Recap
🔥 Eric Pearson unleashed supernatural power at River Bottoms, seizing the lead on hole 1 and never looking back! His wire-to-wire MA2 victory featured a blistering 952-rated round—54 points above his rating 📈. Eric dominated the possessed battlefield with 8 birdies, including the only under-par score on hole 1. In perfect 78° conditions ☀️, he exorcised all competition for a commanding -5 finish! 👻
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 2.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 2.33 | 5.67 | 2.33 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 2.67 | 4.00 | 62.67 |
| Score | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 6 | 4 | 2 | 6 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 64 |
| +/– Par | -1 | + 2 | -1 | + 3 | + 1 | + 1 | -1 | + 2 | +5 |
AI Round Recap
In a tale of fleeting glory at River Bottoms 👻, Luke Hansen seized the lead after hole 5, only to stumble on hole 6 and watch it slip away! Playing 45 points below his 892 rating, Luke battled through the demonic prom aftermath 💀 to finish +5 and claim 2nd place. Just one spot shy of the cash line in MA2, but still earned that podium spot 🥈 on a challenging day where the course possessed more players than expected!
| Hole | H1 | H2 | H3 | H4 | H5 | H6 | H7 | H8 | H9 | H10 | H11 | H12 | H13 | H14 | H15 | H16 | H17 | H18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 300 | 543 | 383 | 404 | 162 | 559 | 589 | 375 | 400 | 294 | 344 | 293 | 420 | 613 | 255 | 352 | 294 | 340 | 6920 |
| Target | A | C | B | B | B | C | B | B | C | C | B | D | E | E | A | D | C | D | |
| Pool Avg | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 2.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 2.33 | 5.67 | 2.33 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 3.67 | 4.33 | 2.67 | 4.00 | 62.67 |
| Score | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 8 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 4 | 7 | 4 | 3 | 70 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | -1 | + 5 | -1 | + 1 | + 1 | + 1 | + 4 | + 1 | +11 |
AI Round Recap
At River Bottoms' demonic battlefield 👻, Ian Dahlen Flor faced his own horror story - a brutal +5 on hole 9 before immediately bouncing back with a birdie on 10! 🔥 Playing 72 points below his 857 rating, Ian battled through a 4-hole cold streak that ended with a missed opportunity on the scoreable 17th. Despite the supernatural struggles ☀️, he still claimed the bronze podium at +11. Sometimes you survive the nightmare and still get the trophy! 🏆
Flippy's Hot Take