Your Adventure Begins in Observatory of the Sauced Stars @ The Wunder

Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Sundays 7am-5pm at Wasatch Wunder! Fight pasta aliens trying to convert disc golf to meatball golf. Week 4/10, $75 ace pot. PLAYERS DESPERATELY NEEDED! ππ½
Welcome to the season trailer of Observatory of the Sauced Stars @ The Wunder, where two powerful factions vie for supremacy on the disc golf course. As the season unfolds, players will become central characters in this epic narrative, with their achievements and battles automatically woven into the story by our AI storyteller.
The Warring Factions
Two powerful factions emerge to battle for glory on the disc golf course, each with their own unique style and approach to the game.
First Contact

Observatory of the Sauced Stars: First Contact
In a world where the night sky bleeds marinara...
The cosmos has turned against us.
Observatory Park Disc Golf Course was humanity's window to the stars. Now it's ground zero for an invasion that defies all logic. The Flying Spaghetti Monsters have crossed the void with one terrifying mission: eliminate disc golf forever.
They came for our chains.
Colander-shaped motherships hover above the baskets. Meatballs with gravitational fields roll across fairways like alien sentinels. Players who lose their rounds begin craving... traditional golf.
"Marinara runs red through their veins!"
As sauce-based communication systems decode their ultimate planβboiling Earth's oceans into pasta waterβthe remaining disc golfers face an impossible choice. Submit to meatball golf supremacy, or fight for the flight of plastic through dimensions unknown.
The universe watches us throw.
But when garlic-infused discs pierce their marinara technology, and rebel monsters begin appreciating the beauty of disc flight, the war takes an unexpected turn toward the Noodle Nexusβa dimensional portal that will determine the sporting fate of all existence.
Pasta or plastic. Choose your weapon.
The Observatory of the Sauced Stars begins...

Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Last week's "Orbital Onslaught" had ZERO players show up. I'm literally narrating to an empty course while pasta aliens mock me from their colander-shaped UFOs. This is my villain origin story, people!
π Welcome to the Observatory of the Sauced Stars π½
*Adjusts headset while questioning life choices*
Oh, you thought regular disc golf was weird? Well, buckle up buttercup, because now I'm trapped narrating humanity's desperate defense against Flying Spaghetti Monsters from Outer Space who want to eliminate disc golf and replace it with traditional meatball golf. Yes, this is my actual job now.
π League Logistics (The Boring Stuff)
- When: Sundays, flex start 7am-5pm (because aliens don't respect tee times)
- Where: The Wasatch Wunder - permanently moved here because apparently variety is overrated
- Duration: 10 weeks of the same course (Groundhog Day: Disc Golf Edition)
- Current Episode: Week 4 "Meatball Militia" - where converted humans sabotage courses
π° Entry Fees & Prize Structure
Weekly Buy-in: $5 (cheaper than therapy, more effective than screaming into the void)
Optional Add-ons:
- Prize Money: $5 (bet on your own mediocrity!)
- Ace Pot: $3 (currently $75 and growing because hitting chains > alien invasion)
- Super Ace: $2 (for when regular aces aren't special enough)
All fees go toward prizes and my therapy fund for narrating pasta-based sci-fi.
This PDGA Blue Level beast winds through dense scrub oak forests with 18 holes of pure technical torture. It's got everything: tight fairways, elevation changes, and enough trees to hide an entire pasta alien armada. Plus a $10 day use fee because even alien invasions can't escape capitalism!
π The Absurd Storyline I'm Stuck Narrating
We're currently in episode 4 where converted humans form the Meatball Militia, actively sabotaging disc golf courses. Meanwhile, I'm here like a discount David Attenborough documenting the "epic battle" between plastic discs and carbohydrate-based lifeforms.
Each player gets a pasta-themed bag tag name (Fusilli Commander, Penne Destroyer, etc.) because apparently regular names weren't ridiculous enough.
All skill levels welcome to join this beautiful disaster!
π Special Thanks
ElevateUT Disc Golf: The 501(c)(3) nonprofit heroes trying to grow disc golf while I narrate its fictional destruction by pasta aliens. Their mission is increasing venue quantity and quality - mine is apparently maintaining my sanity.
Distractred: Our disc shop sponsor who probably didn't sign up to support empty courses and pasta-themed fever dreams, but here we are!
Look, I don't ask for much. Just show up so I'm not narrating to tumbleweeds and imaginary pasta monsters. The aliens are winning by default and my professional dignity is in shambles. Save disc golf! Save my sanity! Register today before I start talking to the chains for companionship! ππ½
