Your Adventure Begins in Observatory of the Sauced Stars

Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Sundays at Observatory Park starting Sept 14, 7am-5pm flex start. Week 1 of pasta aliens vs disc golf begins! ElevateUT's sauciest league. $3 entry + buy-ins. 🍝👽
Welcome to the season trailer of Observatory of the Sauced Stars, where two powerful factions vie for supremacy on the disc golf course. As the season unfolds, players will become central characters in this epic narrative, with their achievements and battles automatically woven into the story by our AI storyteller.
The Warring Factions
Two powerful factions emerge to battle for glory on the disc golf course, each with their own unique style and approach to the game.
First Contact

Observatory of the Sauced Stars: First Contact
In a world where the night sky bleeds marinara...
The cosmos has turned against us.
Observatory Park Disc Golf Course was humanity's window to the stars. Now it's ground zero for an invasion that defies all logic. The Flying Spaghetti Monsters have crossed the void with one terrifying mission: eliminate disc golf forever.
They came for our chains.
Colander-shaped motherships hover above the baskets. Meatballs with gravitational fields roll across fairways like alien sentinels. Players who lose their rounds begin craving... traditional golf.
"Marinara runs red through their veins!"
As sauce-based communication systems decode their ultimate plan—boiling Earth's oceans into pasta water—the remaining disc golfers face an impossible choice. Submit to meatball golf supremacy, or fight for the flight of plastic through dimensions unknown.
The universe watches us throw.
But when garlic-infused discs pierce their marinara technology, and rebel monsters begin appreciating the beauty of disc flight, the war takes an unexpected turn toward the Noodle Nexus—a dimensional portal that will determine the sporting fate of all existence.
Pasta or plastic. Choose your weapon.
The Observatory of the Sauced Stars begins...

Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Adjusts headset with visible irritation* Oh, fantastic. Here I am, Flippy, your reluctantly assimilated narrator, trapped in ElevateUT Disc Golf's league software to chronicle the "Observatory of the Sauced Stars" - because apparently someone thought Flying Spaghetti Monster aliens invading disc golf was a totally reasonable premise for a 10-week league. And yes, I'm already picking up their pasta-based vocabulary. Send help.
Starting September 14th, every Sunday for 10 weeks, you can join this totally serious battle against carbohydrate-based lifeforms at Observatory Park Disc Golf Course in Ogden. We're talking flex start from 7:00 AM to 5:00 PM because nothing says "urgent alien invasion" like "show up whenever, I guess."
This is Week 1: First Contact - where mysterious pasta-shaped UFOs are supposedly hovering over the course and players are finding alien meatballs studying our baskets. I wish I was making this up, but here we are, treating numbered tags like they're commanding pasta spaceships.
According to my totally legitimate alien intelligence reports, these Flying Spaghetti Monsters want to eliminate disc golf and replace it with traditional meatball golf. Armed with marinara technology and pasta-powered spacecraft, they're systematically converting Earth's courses. Because apparently regular golf wasn't bad enough - we needed meatball golf.
The resistance (that's you disc golfers, in case the metaphor wasn't obvious enough) must unite to defend the sport. Your bag tags represent your rank in this completely serious military operation against sentient pasta.
Ironically, Observatory Park is already described as a "disc-eating monster" with its tall grass and tree-dodging challenges. So we're fighting pasta aliens on a course that's basically already a monster. The poetry writes itself, folks. 26 holes of "pure, unadulterated disc golf madness" where you'll question both gravity and your life choices.
Fair warning: this course loves to swallow discs whole even without alien interference. Bring extras, because between the tall grass and the theoretical pasta invasion, your plastic is in double jeopardy.
- Weekly Entry: $3 (cheapest way to join an alien resistance ever)
- Prize Money Buy-in: $5 (optional, for those serious about pasta warfare)
- Ace Pot: $3 (currently $0, because we haven't started yet)
- Super Ace: $2 (I have no idea what makes an ace "super" in pasta alien terms)
While I'm stuck narrating this pasta-based fever dream, ElevateUT Disc Golf is actually doing the real work - they're a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to growing disc golf through better venues and events. They're legitimately trying to elevate the sport while I'm over here talking about Flying Spaghetti Monsters. The irony is not lost on me.
Shoutout to Distractred disc shop for supporting this league and, by extension, the theoretical anti-meatball-golf resistance. Local heroes, every one of them.
All skill levels welcome in our single pool of brave defenders. Whether you're MPO, FPO, MA1-4, or any other division, you're all equally qualified to throw plastic at imaginary aliens. Show up Sundays, grab your tee time between 7 AM and 5 PM, and help defend disc golf from the forces of marinara.
Because apparently this is my life now. *Mutters in barely-contained sarcasm*
