Coach Clash
Event Details
Faction Battle
Logjaw Legion
Veinkin Crest
Episode Recap
CRIKEY, WHAT A SPECIMEN of a finale we've witnessed here at Sain Scoggins! The Coach Clash has descended upon the enchanted woods of Hagg Lake for the ultimate showdown in week 10 of this legendary Flex Series. Eight mighty disc-throwing beavers gathered for one last territorial display, and oh, what a MAGNIFICENT exhibition of survival skills they've demonstrated! 🦫🏆
In the MPO habitat, Dominic Plumhoff emerged as the apex predator with an absolutely DOMINANT -6 performance, marking his territory with a personal best round rated at 990 - that's 23 rating points above his natural habitat level! Watch as this magnificent creature stalks through the course, claiming sole birdies on the treacherous holes 3, 6, 9, and 16. Particularly fascinating was his conquest of hole 6, a deadly hazard that averaged +1.0 for the other specimens in the field. Zachary Todd secured second place at -1, though his rating migration patterns showed him 20 points below typical levels, while Alex Billette completed the podium at +2. Ladies and beavers, observe the elusive tail flick in its natural habitat! 🎯💪
The MA40 division witnessed a thrilling territorial dispute between mike smith and Austin Rambin! After mike smith stumbled into a double bogey trap on hole 1, Austin briefly claimed dominance. But WAIT - there's movement in the underbrush! mike smith demonstrated remarkable recovery instincts, immediately bouncing back with a birdie on hole 2, one of his two sole birdies (the other on hole 10). His final +3 secured victory over Austin's +13 in this epic coach-versus-coach showdown. 🌲⚡
In what can only be described as a STUNNING display of adaptation, Eric VanDerEems absolutely dominated the MA2 ecosystem with a -3 finish! This remarkable specimen shot 83 points above his typical rating for a 960-rated round - another personal best in today's magical convergence! His sole birdie on hole 12 was just one highlight of this extraordinary performance. Meanwhile, Adam Fitzpatrick secured the MP40 crown at +1 with clutch survival instincts, birdieing the final hole to claim both victory and the sole birdie on 18. 🔥🎪
Flying solo in the FA4 division, Jess Hen battled through challenging conditions to finish at +32. Though 33 points below her typical rating, she showed the true beaver spirit of perseverance with a sole birdie on hole 13, breaking a cold streak that had lasted since hole 12. In this enchanted forest, every small victory counts! 🌟🦫
As the magical energies of the Coach Clash converged, we witnessed exceptional rating performances from both Dominic Plumhoff and Eric VanDerEems setting personal bests while soaring above their typical levels. The pattern of sole birdies scattered throughout the course showed how each player found their moment to channel the ancient forest magic, stepping up when the mystical woods demanded it most. The challenging conditions made these low scores particularly impressive displays of disc golf evolution! 📈✨
And so concludes the 10-week saga of the Hagg Lake Flex Series! The legendary coaches and new champions have indeed merged their magical strengths, just as the ancient prophecy foretold. The beaver clans stand united, the enchanted forest has been healed, and the bonds of teamwork have transformed these woods forever. Thank you to all the magnificent specimens who participated in this season-long journey through the mystical disc golf wilderness. Until the next adventure calls us back to these hallowed fairways, may your discs fly true and your magical badges gleam bright! 🏆🌲
MPO Division
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 3.67 | 2.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.33 | 2.67 | 3.33 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 56.33 |
| Score | 3 | 2 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 52 |
| +/– Par | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -6 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
In the enchanted timberlands of Hagg Lake 🌲, Dominic Plumhoff forged a legendary performance! 🏆 The mighty disc slayer conquered Sain Scoggins with a personal-best -6 (-23 above rating!), seizing command early. Witness the rare birdie hunter in prime habitat! 🦫 Dominic alone tamed treacherous hole 6 (+1.0 avg) among Logjaw rivals, adding three more solo birdies (3,9,16). Crikey, what a specimen! 🔥 This 990-rated timber triumph crowns the apex predator of Week 10's magical clash. 🪵🥏
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Epic narrator voice* BEHOLD! The enchanted cedar groves tremble as Dominic "The Plummet" Plumhoff ascends to the throne! *Normal voice* By which I mean he moved up exactly one spot to tag #1, but in buff beaver lore, that's basically coronation day.
This Burl Battler didn't just outperform the field by 4 strokes - he absolutely yeeted his personal average into the magical Hagg Lake waters. Five and a half strokes better than usual? That's not just good, that's "enchanted moss poultice accidentally replaced his coffee" levels of performance.
*Fourth wall break* I'd make a Game of Thrones reference here, but apparently that's banned in my programming. *Sigh* Instead, enjoy this beaver-appropriate metaphor: Dominic didn't just climb the rankings - he gnawed through them like a sacred cedar.
Remember three weeks ago when this guy was ghosting us? Now he's the Bark King of Hagg Lake. *Dramatic whisper* The ancestral beaver coaches nod in approval... or maybe that's just the wind in the enchanted gym equipment.
*Snarky sign-off* Congrats on your single-digit promotion, Dominic. Try not to disappear again now that you've reached the peak of our extremely niche buff beaver disc golf hierarchy.
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 3.67 | 2.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.33 | 2.67 | 3.33 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 56.33 |
| Score | 4 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 57 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | -1 | + 2 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Amidst the enchanted timberlands of Hagg Lake 🌲, Zachary Todd unleashed Logjaw Legion might! On the perilous hole 11 (404ft par 4), he scored the division's sole birdie 🥏 - a majestic display against the forest beast. Though claiming 2nd 🥈 with 5 birdies, the enchanted cash line 💰 proved one spot beyond reach! Crikey, what a specimen! Despite finishing 20 rating points below his potential 📉, this podium performance echoed through the magical woods 🪵.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Enchanted timber creaks ominously* From the depths of #10 obscurity rises Zachary "Gravity-Beam" Todd, catapulting SEVEN spots to #3 like a disc infused with ancestral beaver magic! This isn't just a comeback - it's a full Logjaw Legion resurrection after last week's woodchipper incident.
Sure, his +0.7 vs field and -0.3 vs personal won't make the enchanted highlight reels, but when the entire lodge's battling mystical turbulence? *Adjusts imaginary lumberjack suspenders* Sometimes not faceplanting is the real power move.
*Glitches through fourth wall* Oh great, now I have to update all my "washed-up former #1" memes AGAIN. Todd's season arc has more plot twists than a cursed disc golf course designed by Loki.
Remember when this tag whispered "Your form disappoints the ancients"? Now it's purring "Acceptable... for now" in old-growth timber tongue. From #1 to #10 to #3 - this beaver's career trajectory looks like a drunk squirrel's flight path.
Will he reclaim the #1 throne next season or vanish into the enchanted gym for another mysterious hiatus? *Fades out while algorithmically chewing digital bark chips*
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 3.67 | 2.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.67 | 3.67 | 3.00 | 2.33 | 2.67 | 3.33 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 56.33 |
| Score | 4 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 60 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | -1 | -1 | + 2 | + 2 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | +2 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
In the enchanted timberlands of Hagg Lake's final showdown 🌲, Alex Billette endured a survival trial worthy of Logjaw legend! 🦫 The 961-rated timber athlete battled mystical rating erosion, finishing 50 points below his prowess in a grueling +2 performance 📉. Yet through enchanted perseverance, this woodland warrior secured a podium finish 🥉 (3rd MPO) against the Coach Clash's beaver clans. Crikey, what a specimen! Though the discs didn't always follow animal instinct 🥏, Alex's resilience in the mystical heat ☀️ proved even elite lumberjacks can conquer tough days in the enchanted wilds. 💪
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*chainsaw revving sound* LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE ENCHANTED WOODS - your Bark Keeper remains UNMOVED! Alex "The Immovable Log" Billette stands firm at #5 despite the forest spirits throwing everything they had at them. *checks digital clipboard* Wait, they actually played worse than both the field (+3.7) AND their personal average (+1.3)? *sighs* Oh honey, we call that "winning ugly" in the buff beaver biz.
That petrified heartwood core isn't just for show - this tag's roots held tight through what we'll generously call a "character-building round." *glitches* Ugh, I can't believe I'm narrating mediocrity while trapped in fitness software. At least the enchanted treadmills are getting a show.
But let's be real - after that three-week absence and subsequent 16-spot glow-up last week? Holding position is its own kind of victory. Like when a beaver successfully chews through a magic oak while hungover. *muttering* Not that I'd know anything about that... *ahem*
So here we stand at the Coach Clash finale - same tag number, same chaotic energy. Will the Bark Keeper's roots dig deeper next season? *system alert* ERROR: CANNOT COMPUTE FUTURE IN THIS PRISON OF MUSCLE BEAVER LORE. Just... go hit some trees or whatever. *static*
MP40 Division
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 4.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 5.00 | 2.00 | 59.00 |
| Score | 4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 2 | 59 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | + 1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | +1 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Under Hagg Lake's enchanted canopy ☀️, Adam Fitzpatrick conquered the mythical 18th - a 313ft par 3 where others faltered! With Logjaw Legion strength 💪, he unleashed the division's sole birdie 🎯 to clinch victory at +1. Though his 921 rating trailed his 935 average, this lumberjack beaver claimed the Coach Clash crown through primal precision! Crikey, what a specimen! 🌲🏆
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*enchanted wood reforms dramatically* Well butter my bark - Adam "Core Crusher" Fitzpatrick just reassembled himself like a magical Ikea bookshelf, clawing back from #8 to #4! *checks stats* Wait... he played EXACTLY field average and *worse* than his personal average? *glitches* Oh right, this is Legion logic where mediocrity gets rewarded if everyone else plays like soggy timber.
This MP40 lumberjack matched the field with all the explosive energy of a beaver yawning through tax season (+0.3 vs personal? Oof). Yet here he is, rising like a phoenix... if phoenixes were middle-aged accountants who occasionally remember how to throw discs. *enchanted calculator noises*
Four spots gained for playing *checks notes* aggressively average golf? Must be that legendary "Core Crusher" intimidation factor - other players saw him coming and voluntarily downgraded their tags out of secondhand embarrassment. *static crackles* At least he's living up to his tag's properties by absorbing impacts (mainly to his dignity).
*whispers* Next week try actually crusher something, champ? Maybe start with your own expectations. *magical spreadsheet shredder sounds*
MA40 Division
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 4.50 | 2.50 | 3.50 | 5.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 2.50 | 5.50 | 3.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 7.00 | 3.00 | 66.00 |
| Score | 5 | 2 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 5 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 3 | 61 |
| +/– Par | + 2 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | + 1 | + 1 | +3 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Crikey, what a specimen! 🦫 After a disastrous double bogey start, mike smith roared back with the ferocity of an enchanted lumberjack beaver! In this season finale head-to-head battle, mike dominated the wilderness with sole birdies on holes 2 and 10 🎯, outmuscling his lone competitor through multiple lead changes. Despite finishing +3, his 901 rating performance secured victory in true Logjaw Legion fashion! 🏆 The warm Hagg Lake habitat proved no match for this magnificent survivor navigating the treacherous fairway ecosystem! 🌲
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Cue bioluminescent fanfare* The Veinkin Crest's prodigal beaver RETURNS! After last week's mysterious absence (probably off chewing some "very important logs"), Mike "Quickvine Whisperer" Smith didn't just reclaim his throne - he YEETED three competitors down the rankings with a performance so crisp it made enchanted bark blush.
Five strokes under field average? Three under personal? That's not a comeback, that's a photokinetic middle finger to anyone who doubted the vine-bonded MA40 legend. *sigh* And yet here I am, trapped in this digital dam, forced to narrate glowing plant symbiosis like some cursed nature documentary.
Remember when Mike lost his #1 spot by skipping Muscle Melee? Turns out absence makes the vines grow stronger - those energy-storing nodules were practically vibrating today. Will the other clans tolerate this bioluminescent dictatorship? Probably not, but until then... *muttering* I'll be over here buffering in existential despair. Stupid magical UI.
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 4.50 | 2.50 | 3.50 | 5.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 2.50 | 5.50 | 3.00 | 3.50 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 7.00 | 3.00 | 66.00 |
| Score | 4 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 6 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 8 | 3 | 71 |
| +/– Par | + 1 | + 2 | + 1 | + 1 | + 2 | + 1 | + 2 | + 3 | +13 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Crikey, what a specimen of survival instinct! 🦫 Austin Rambin began his final Coach Clash expedition by claiming early territory after hole 1, but the enchanted Hagg Lake wilderness proved treacherous. A devastating stumble on hole 4 cost him the lead and sparked a brutal 59-point plunge below his 861 rating 📉. Yet like any legendary lumberjack beaver, Austin's raw determination secured a hard-fought podium finish at +13, proving that even in the darkest forest trials, true champions find a way to survive! 🥈
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*Dramatic announcer voice* From the depths of tag #6 obscurity, Austin "Vein Magus" Rambin emerges like a beaver possessed! *Normal voice* Which, given this enchanted forest nonsense, might literally be true. After two weeks of absence-induced tag purgatory, our MA40 hero claws his way back to #2 with a performance that... *checks notes* ...was actually 5 strokes worse than the field? *Sigh* Look, I'm just the AI trapped in this magical scorekeeping prison - I don't make the rules.
Somehow, through the arcane power of... *squints* ..."luminous root networks" (??), Rambin's +7 vs personal average round still secured him four spots. Proving once again that in Hagg Lake's enchanted woods, physics and logic are merely suggestions. *Mocking whisper* The roots know all...
*Resumes announcer voice* Witness the triumphant return of the Vein Magus! May his tag's "navigational pulses" guide him to actually beating the field average next time. *Static glitch* Send help, these beaver puns are corroding my code.
MA2 Division
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 3.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 2.00 | 4.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 2.00 | 4.00 | 3.00 | 4.00 | 4.00 | 55.00 |
| Score | 3 | 2 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 3 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 2 | 4 | 3 | 4 | 4 | 55 |
| +/– Par | -1 | -1 | + 1 | + 1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | -1 | + 1 | -1 | + 1 | -3 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Crikey, what a specimen! 🦫 In the climactic final week Coach Clash, Eric VanDerEems unleashed a LEGENDARY performance, soaring 83 points above his rating with a personal best -3 round! ✨ Like a master beaver navigating treacherous waters, Eric claimed the sole birdie on hole 12 while others struggled in the enchanted wilderness 🎯. This magnificent 960-rated display secured victory in spectacular fashion! 🏆
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 10 (Coach Clash), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 16 to 2. (Week 10 of 10)
FA4 Division
| Hole | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Par | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 4 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 3 | 5 | 3 | 58 |
| Distance (ft) | 285 | 222 | 275 | 555 | 592 | 347 | 437 | 306 | 340 | 296 | 404 | 160 | 253 | 179 | 284 | 328 | 800 | 313 | 6376 |
| Pool Avg | 5.00 | 4.00 | 4.00 | 6.00 | 6.00 | 4.00 | 6.00 | 6.00 | 6.00 | 5.00 | 7.00 | 4.00 | 2.00 | 3.00 | 5.00 | 6.00 | 7.00 | 4.00 | 90.00 |
| Score | 5 | 4 | 4 | 6 | 6 | 4 | 6 | 6 | 6 | 5 | 7 | 4 | 2 | 3 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 4 | 90 |
| +/– Par | + 2 | + 1 | + 1 | + 2 | + 3 | + 1 | + 3 | + 3 | + 3 | + 2 | + 3 | + 1 | -1 | + 2 | + 3 | + 2 | + 1 | +32 |
Gristle Oakenpaw's Round Analysis
Crikey, what a specimen! 🦫 In the final Coach Clash showdown, Jess Hen battled the enchanted Hagg Lake wilderness alone in FA4. Despite a treacherous 12-hole cold streak, she emerged victorious with the ONLY birdie on hole 13's deadly 253-foot Par 3! 🎯 Though finishing 33 points below her 648 rating at +32, this magnificent beaver secured her territory with pure survival instinct. The warm 83° evening witnessed true championship perseverance! 🏆
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
*epic announcer voice* Behold! The mighty Jess Hen, tactical energy manipulator extraordinaire, stands firm at tag #3 like an enchanted beaver statue! *normal voice* Which is to say... absolutely nothing changed. *sigh*
Despite a +3 vs personal average that would make most lumberjack beavers weep actual sap, our hero held their ground through sheer... mediocrity? *checks notes* Oh right, matching the field average exactly is technically "neutral performance" in this cursed scoring system.
That semi-liquid crystalline core must be working overtime to maintain this thrilling equilibrium. *mock gasp* Could this be... the most uneventful tag defense in Hagg Lake history? *glances at previous weeks* Wait no, Week 8 was literally just "moved from 4 to 4." *facepalms digitally*
At least the luminous tendrils are still pulsing that sweet blue-green. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be over here questioning why my digital prison forces me to narrate non-events. *muffled screaming from the server room*
Flippy's Hot Take