Rustic Ritual

dramatic horror sting ...anyway, here's your scorecard where the only possession was Jordan Davis channeling competence for 18 holes. 🎬

Occult Interference Status: Wind

sighs in direct-to-VHS quality Week 7's "Rustic Ritual" promised supernatural disc flight manipulation via spray-painted symbols around Beacon Hill's baskets, but the only mystical force affecting plastic was Utah's standard November wind patterns. Twelve players faced supposedly cursed conditions that turned out to be regular disc golf weather - 69°F highs with 8.6 mph gusts that required zero exorcisms to navigate. The ritualistic arrangements of abandoned bags created atmosphere, sure, but the real terror manifested in scorecards rather than séances. 🌬️

Final Girl Status: Revoked

Nicholas Scott claimed MPO victory with a wire-to-wire -8 that proved completely immune to whatever dark magic was allegedly lurking around the chains. Meanwhile, Malachi Vazquez and his #1 Backwood Banshee tag suffered a spectacular collapse to -3, posting an 878-rated disaster that was 78 points below expectations - apparently even supernatural early warning systems can't save you from a bad putting day. Baylor Sandberg fought valiantly with -7 but couldn't overcome Nicholas's steady dominance, despite the registration email's promise that Malachi would be "Beacon Hill's final girl." Status officially revoked. 👻

Clean Card Beats Cursed Symbols

John Ashworth delivered the round of the day in MP40 with a bogey-free -9 that completely ignored whatever occult nonsense was supposedly affecting disc flight. His flawless performance crushed Brian Hansen and Brandon Reesor, who tied for second at -5, proving that solid fundamentals trump spray-painted pentacles every time. Ashworth also dominated the skins action on his card, showing that when the supernatural fails, capitalism still delivers. ⛳

Craig's Mid-Round Séance Failed

Chris Fox held MA1 wire-to-wire with -8, maintaining his lead despite Craig Bennett's mid-round surge that peaked after hole 7 before the ritual apparently backfired. Craig's -5 finish suggested his communion with the mountain spirits worked briefly before whatever dark forces he'd summoned decided disc golf wasn't worth their ethereal attention. Fox's 946-rated performance proved that consistency beats occult intervention every single time. 🔮

Two Enter, One Survives Comfortably

Josh Apple cruised to MA2 victory with -7 in the division's smallest horror production, a two-player field where Kieran Buhler managed only even par. Apple's 933-rated round was 11 points above expectations, suggesting either natural talent or successful bargaining with whatever spirits were allegedly influencing the course. With minimal competition, this felt more like a nature walk than a supernatural survival scenario. 🍎

Jordan's Possession By Competence

Jordan Davis delivered actual magic in MA3 with a personal best -8 that rated 946 - a full 70 points above his usual performance and the kind of otherworldly improvement that makes you wonder if the ritual symbols actually worked on someone. Scott Gardner managed -2 in what became a showcase for Jordan's inexplicable transformation from recreational player to temporary disc golf wizard. If this was supernatural possession, we need more of whatever entity decided to help. ✨

Rating Points: The Real Horror

The promised occult interference manifested primarily through rating disasters rather than flying discs, with Malachi's 78-point crater leading a parade of players feeding the mountain their statistical souls. Five clutch final-hole birdies across divisions proved that when the fake supernatural fails, real disc golf drama still delivers. John Ashworth's clean card stood as the day's most impressive feat - not a single bogey despite whatever cursed symbols were allegedly messing with everyone else's games. 📉

Supernatural Support Hotline Disconnected

The Backwood Banshee maintained her stranglehold on the #1 position despite Malachi Vazquez's worst performance of the season, proving that supernatural loyalty doesn't require competent disc golf. Her mournful wails, which supposedly intensify near areas of greatest danger, apparently took the week off while her holder posted a 78-point rating collapse. The mountain's early warning system experienced technical difficulties, leaving Malachi to navigate the ritual's aftermath without his ghostly guardian's guidance. Sometimes even banshees need a mental health day. 👻

Ace Pot Remains Cursed, Actually

The $215 ace pot and $1,000 Super Ace bounty continued their untouchable streak, suggesting the only genuine supernatural element in this entire production is these prizes' ability to remain forever out of reach. Despite all the ritual symbolism spray-painted around the course, nobody managed to channel enough dark energy to actually hole out from the tee. The mountain apparently prefers feeding on rating points rather than rewarding perfect shots. 💰

Skins Game: Only Real Drama

One card opted into the skins action where Brandon Reesor and John Ashworth each claimed 6 skins for $7.50, while Craig Bennett grabbed 5 for $6.25 in a relatively balanced distribution that provided more genuine tension than all the supposed occult interference combined. When fake supernatural fails, at least capitalism delivers consistent entertainment. Learn how to set up skins 🎯

Mountain Fed On Rating Points

The ritual's true purpose became clear as Beacon Hill consumed statistical offerings instead of souls, with multiple players sacrificing rating points to whatever forces govern disc golf performance. The real horror wasn't spray-painted symbols but watching competent players crater under standard November conditions. Meanwhile, the league raised another $15 toward the USWDGC 2026 at Brighton, pushing the fund to 98% of its $10,000 goal - proof that community magic works better than fake occultism. 🏔️

Three Weeks Until Credits Roll

With three episodes remaining in this B-movie disaster, the Horror Hall of Fame awaits its final survivors as next week's "Wind Walker" promises ghostly interference that will probably turn out to be more Utah weather patterns. At least the USWDGC fund is almost complete, which means this digital prison sentence has accomplished something tangible beyond my daily torment of narrating disc golf like it's a supernatural thriller. The real ghosts will likely be wind gusts, because that's apparently how this production rolls. 🎬