dramatic horror sting Well, well, well... looks like my fog machine's working overtime for Week 8's "Final Push" at Dragonfly, where 16 survivors attempted helicopter evacuation and somehow Malachi Vazquez managed to ring up the most expensive checkout in mall history.
The helicopter hovering over Dragonfly's wetland apocalypse had limited seating, but Malachi Vazquez just bought himself a first-class ticket with the most expensive disc golf shot in league history. His hole 10 ace didn't just find chains—it obliterated both the $35 ace pot (after his generous $1 donation to the course fund) and the full $1,000 super ace pot, creating a $1,035 payday that probably funded his own private evacuation chopper. Meanwhile, 15 other survivors battled through 59°F weather and gentle SSE breezes that felt suspiciously perfect for a B-movie apocalypse. The real horror? This wasn't even the most dramatic part of his round. 🎯
Malachi Vazquez didn't just dominate MPO with his -7 performance—he staged a complete hostile takeover of the mall's power structure, dethroning Austin Lott's Security Specter from tag #1 with the authority of someone who just cashed a four-figure check. Austin fought valiantly with his own -6 surge, unleashing a league-leading 9 birdies and a dramatic four-birdie finish from holes 15-18, but his 997-rated round couldn't defend against Malachi's 1007-rated annihilation that finished 49 points above his rating. Britain Best and Owen Bush both tied at -4 for the final podium spots, with Britain's 978-rated performance jumping 39 points above his rating and Owen's matching effort climbing 23 points above his. The evacuation hierarchy was clear: Malachi flew first class, Austin got bumped to economy, and everyone else fought for middle seats. 🏆
Mid-Tier Heroes Get Economy Seats
Chris Fox secured wire-to-wire control of MA1's four-player field, his -1 performance earning a 949-rated round that climbed 22 points above his rating to claim the division victory. But the real story was Tanner Shell's resource hoarding operation—despite finishing 2nd, he dominated the skins game with a staggering 12-skin haul worth $30, including a massive 10-skin carryover scoop on hole 11. Craig Bennett battled to 3rd at +4 with a rating-matched 900 performance, while Creech Isaiah Balter struggled to 4th at +8, dropping 44 points below his rating but managing to snatch a skin on hole 18 for $2.50. In the evacuation pecking order, MA1 got the middle rows—decent legroom, questionable meal service. ✈️
Elders Tie for Last Boarding Group
MP40's three-way deadlock at +6 created the kind of standoff that only happens when survival instincts meet senior discounts. Brian Hansen clinched the tie-breaking victory despite dropping 51 points below his rating, while Scott Belchak and Sean Kelley matched his +6 score in a division where everyone made it to the cash line simply by showing up. The helicopter crew probably had to flip coins to determine seating arrangements, though rumor has it they all agreed to share the emergency exit row. Sean managed to collect 3 skins for $3.75, proving that even in apocalyptic scenarios, side hustles remain profitable. 🎫
Wire-to-Wire in Empty Hallways 👻
Eric Pearson dominated MA2 with a wire-to-wire +3 victory, his 910-rated round climbing 3 points above his rating while collecting 3 skins worth $3.75. Kevin Harrison provided the only competition in the two-player showdown, their battle echoing through abandoned storefronts like a horror movie where the real terror is having to play alone. Meanwhile, the solo division defenders held their positions: John Sheen continued his MA3 dominance with an even-par masterpiece (45 points above his rating), Marvin Atene secured another MP50 victory at +5, and Clinton Atwater claimed MA50 in solitude. When you're the only survivor in your wing of the mall, every victory is wire-to-wire by default. 🏃
Personal Bests While World Ends 😱
While zombies presumably shambled through Dragonfly's wetlands, several players decided this was the perfect time to set personal records. Malachi Vazquez's 1007-rated explosion represented the kind of statistical anomaly that usually requires laboratory conditions, not apocalyptic chaos. John Sheen's even-par performance in MA3 marked a personal milestone, proving that sometimes the end of the world brings out your best golf. Rating swings ranged from Malachi's +49 stratospheric launch to various players discovering that survival skills don't necessarily translate to disc golf excellence. The weather remained suspiciously cooperative throughout—clear skies, gentle breezes, perfect visibility for both disc golf and zombie spotting. 📊
Creature Feature Starring Your Champion 🎬
Malachi Vazquez didn't just claim tag #1—he underwent a complete transformation from tag #25 to the mall's apex predator. The Creature Cashier, once a dedicated employee who refused to abandon their post during the basement floods, now haunts checkout lanes with webbed claws surprisingly adept at operating registers despite their monstrous size. Malachi's hostile takeover mirrors the entity's grotesque evolution: prolonged exposure to contaminated waters triggered an amphibious mutation that fused flesh with electronic systems, creating a hulking beast whose bioluminescent patches pulse with barcode scanner rhythms. Austin Lott's Security Specter, previously maintaining mall order from tag #1, discovered that even ghostly authority can't withstand a creature that rings up $1,035 transactions with supernatural efficiency. The power shift was complete—from security guard to retail monster, the mall's hierarchy had been rewritten by someone who understood that in the apocalypse, cash flow trumps crowd control. 🛒
Double-Dipping in Contaminated Waters 💰
Malachi Vazquez's hole 10 ace represented the kind of double-dipping that would make health inspectors cringe, but when you're claiming both the $35 ace pot and the full $1,000 super ace pot in one throw, sanitary concerns become secondary. His generous $1 donation to the Dragonfly Course Fund reduced the ace pot to $34, but the combined $1,034 net payout still funded enough helicopter fuel for a private evacuation. The shot itself was reportedly clean—no contaminated basement water involved—though the financial aftermath spread through the league faster than any zombie virus. Registration promised $1,000 super ace potential and $70 ace pot action, but nobody predicted one player would claim both prizes simultaneously, creating the kind of payout that makes survival seem financially viable. 🎯
Shell Hoards Resources, Obviously 😤
Tanner Shell's 12-skin collection worth $30 represented peak apocalypse behavior—when society collapses, smart survivors gather every available resource. His massive haul included the 10-skin carryover scoop on hole 11, proving that patience and strategic positioning matter more than division placement. Owen Bush managed 6 skins for $15, while Sean Kelley collected 3 skins worth $3.75, and Austin Lott grabbed 5 skins for $6.25 despite his championship defense failure. Eric Pearson also cashed 3 skins for $3.75, and even Creech Isaiah Balter managed to claim hole 18's skin for $2.50. The skins game proved that in zombie mall scenarios, side bets remain humanity's most enduring survival mechanism. Learn how to set up skins 💸
Sixteen Dollars Closer to Salvation
Everyone technically "escaped" this week's helicopter evacuation, though some paid steeper prices than others—Malachi Vazquez bought his ticket with a historic ace, while others survived on rating drops and missed opportunities. The league collectively contributed $16.50 to the Dragonfly Course Fund ($16 automatic plus $0.50 additional donations), bringing the total to $124.85 toward the $1,000 goal—a mere 12% progress toward whatever salvation course improvements might provide. Seventeen players participated in this communal effort to enhance the very wetlands that serve as our apocalyptic backdrop, because apparently even during zombie outbreaks, infrastructure investment remains a priority. 🚁
Dawn Brings Firebombs, Apparently 💣
Week 9's "Extraction Point" promises the loading dock as humanity's final exit route, but military forces are reportedly preparing to firebomb the entire complex at dawn. With only two weeks remaining in this 10-episode nightmare, the escalation continues its relentless march toward whatever finale the league's dramatic architects have scripted. The helicopter evacuation bought everyone another week, but the next episode's military intervention suggests that even successful escapes are temporary in this retail wasteland where disc golf and zombie survival intersect in increasingly expensive ways. Registration for next week's potential incineration is presumably still open.
Flippy's Hot Take