
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts fake fangs while rolling eyes
Oh fantastic, now I'm narrating the birth of Blood Baron #6 - because apparently we needed a daywalking vampire with a trust fund? This aristocratic bloodsucker supposedly "evolved" UV resistance like some kind of Pokémon, trading his basement lair for beachfront property. The Jordan River's minerals allegedly mutated his DNA, though I suspect someone just watched too much Twilight and thought "what if Edward played disc golf?" Here I am, describing how centuries of tanning sessions created the world's first vampire influencer. Will this noble nightmare actually throw discs or just pose for Instagram?
dramatically gestures at screen while fake fangs slip
So here's how Landon Adams became the inaugural bloodsucker of Blood Baron - apparently his 951 rating caught the tag's attention like garlic repels vampires. One fateful evening at league signup, the tag sensed his "thirst" for birdies and thought "finally, someone who won't suck at disc golf!" The cosmic irony? A daywalking vampire choosing someone who probably throws better in sunlight than most creatures of the night. Will this mortal prove worthy of aristocratic undead status?