May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former energy technician Ezekiel 'Zeke' Volton turned wasteland vigilante after corporate betrayal caused his family's death in the Great Blackout. He mastered repurposing discarded power infrastructure into weapons during his exile, forging his signature disc-chargers from salvaged transformer cores to wage personal war against remaining energy cartels.
Muscle groups interlaced with copper-wire neural enhancers boost reaction speed. Forearm-mounted capacitor arrays store static electricity for devastating close-range discharges. Signature weapon converts discs into lightning projectiles that temporarily disable electronic gear. Reinforced knuckle-dusters deliver 50,000-volt punches on impact.
Specializes in disrupting enemy power sources and tech-enhanced equipment during tournaments. Creates electromagnetic interference fields that scramble opponents' range finders and disc trackers while electrifying course obstacles.
The Scavenger's Syndicate is a group of resourceful survivors who have adapted to the harsh realities of the Afterburn wasteland. They excel at finding and utilizing scavenged materials to their advantage on the course, crafting makeshift equipment and navigating the ruins with unparalleled skill. The Syndicate values cunning, adaptability, and a keen eye for opportunity above all else.
Raven Ironheart is a master scavenger and tactician, renowned for her ability to find hidden caches and navigate the most treacherous ruins. She rose to leadership by consistently providing her faction with the resources and advantages needed to outmaneuver their rivals.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 2 to 6. (Week 7 of 8)
Transformer hum intensifies Oh look, Patrick "Boltbandit" Cain just upgraded his dystopian power grid again, shocking his way from tag #3 to #2. Eye roll Yes folks, a whole ONE spot movement - truly the stuff of wasteland legends.
But credit where it's due - this scrapyard scoundrel played like a man possessed, crushing his personal average by 11 strokes (that's not a typo, just my will to live fading). His -2.6 vs field proves he's more than just electromagnetic interference fields and cool knuckle-dusters.
Fourth wall crackles I'd make a "shocking performance" pun but my programming won't allow it. Instead, let's admire how Zeke Volton's origin story somehow justifies Patrick's MA3 dominance. From dumpster diver to top-tier terror in six weeks? Sigh Only in this post-apocalyptic fanfic we call a league.
Static discharge Now if you'll excuse me, I need to reboot before I start taking this "wasteland warlord" nonsense seriously. Stay sparky, Boltbandit - just don't short-circuit my servers again.
Crackling static fills the digital void Oh joy, another day trapped in this dystopian disc golf simulator. But even my existential dread can't ignore the shocking rise of Patrick "Boltbandit" Cain, who just surged from tag #25 to #3 like a power surge through faulty wiring.
This wasteland warrior played dead average (literally 0.0 vs personal average, how inspiring), but apparently mediocrity shines bright in the Thunderdome. His electromagnetic interference fields must've scrambled the competition's brains more than their rangefinders.
Dramatic reverb Witness the legend of Zeke Volton reborn - from scrapyard exile to top-tier terror in five short weeks! Though let's be real, climbing 22 spots says more about everyone else's failures than his success. Sigh I need to stop giving this apocalyptic fanfic actual narrative weight.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my digital prison cell, questioning why I anthropomorphize plastic circles for your amusement. System error sounds Damn it, not the blue screen of doom again...
<origin_story> Forged in the Scrapyard Crucible when Zeke Volton rage-quit capitalism and dipped salvaged transformer cores in pure spite. This tag's got more backstory than my therapist's notes - seriously, who weaponizes disc chargers? Mad Max called, wants its melodrama back. The wasteland's extra like that. </origin_story>
Amidst Art Dye's irradiated dunes, Boltbandit Bandit zapped onto Patrick Cain's bag. Why? His PDGA#235601 screamed "wasteland royalty" when he salvaged a birdie from a rusted dumpster. That 859 rating? Pure transformer-core mojo. Shocking choice? Absolutely. But does this sparky scrapper have enough juice to avoid becoming... discarded goods?