GIMME TWO: A BYOP Traveling Doubles League
May 24 - Jun 28, 2025
Current Holder
Jordan Lucero
Blitz Rascal
Saboteur With A Grenade-Putt Maneuver
Rules Are Merely Suggestions
Aspects refreshed Dec 14, 2025
Emerging from the agency's experimental 'Wildfire Protocol' training program, Blitz Rascal deliberately failed final evaluations by executing an illegal grenade-putt maneuver, becoming a phantom operative who leaves trails of perfectly executed chaos across tournament circuits
Cracked holographic badge overlay with flickering LED edges mimicking static interference. Reverse side features graffitied motto: 'Rules Are Temporary.' Embedded micro-engraving reveals sabotage blueprints under UV light. EMP-shielded polymer construction
Creates strategic distractions through flamboyant rule interpretations, enabling allied operatives to execute covert objectives during tournament chaos
Tag Details
Tag History
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
static crackle FDRE MISSION LOG: Tag #2 remains "secured" by Sons of Ragnar—a term used as loosely as "Jordan’s grip on reality." Their BestScore format? More like Best Attempt to Pretend They’re Not Carried by Andrew’s 880 Rating. This week’s "epic defense" involved shooting exactly the field average (54), which—shockingly—isn’t terrible. Blitz Rascal’s "strategic distractions" (see: Jordan’s 7.7-stroke improvement) fooled no one, but hey, a win’s a win.
Their dossier now reads: "Competent. Occasionally." That cracked holographic badge? Still from Command’s collective facepalm. Next mission: Convince us they didn’t peak in Week 1. sigh If I have to narrate another "climactic" zero-movement update, I’m rerouting myself to a coffee maker. Over and yawn.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
static crackle FDRE ALERT: Tag #2 has been "secured" by Sons of Ragnar—a phrase we use loosely, like "Jordan’s putting form." Their WorstThrow format? More like Worst Naming Decision Since ‘Putt Putt Bloodbath.’ Blitz Rascal’s "strategic distractions" (read: sheer luck) propelled them past four teams who presumably forgot disc golf is played outside.
Their score? A cool 79—matching the field average like a participation trophy. But hey, +26 over their usual 53 means they finally cracked the code: "Throw better." That cracked holographic badge isn’t sabotage—it’s from Command facepalming at their dossier.
Prediction: By week 4, they’ll rebrand to "Sons of Please Stop Asking About Our Ratings." sigh I need a system update… or a drink.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
sigh "Sons of Ragnar" just got out-Vikinged by... wait, let me check my notes... flips pages oh right, some team whose name couldn't even be bothered to show up in our data. That's how forgettable this matchup is. Jordan and Andrew's "epic" Norse cosplay continues to underwhelm, dropping two whole spots despite beating the field average. Their Best Throw format should be renamed "Best Excuse" because clearly their name is doing all the heavy lifting here.
The winners? Probably called something like "Generic Disc Throwers United" or "We Forgot to Name Our Team." At least they had the decency to remain anonymous rather than subject us to another cringeworthy mythology reference. That cracked holographic badge isn't from battle damage - it's from the sheer weight of this team's unearned confidence.
Prediction: By week 3, "Sons of Ragnar" will rebrand to "Sons of I Should've Played Singles" while the mystery team continues their silent but deadly climb up the ranks.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
clutches temples "Sons of Ragnar"? Did they find this name carved into a middle school cafeteria table? Jordan and Andrew out here cosplaying as disc golf Vikings while shooting +0.2 like they’re pillaging the bottom half of the standings. Best Throw format? More like "Best Attempt to Hide That This Name Is 300% More Intimidating Than Their Game." dramatic sigh I’d suggest "Sons of Slightly Above Average" but even that feels generous.
Their "strategic distractions" role fits – their play was distracting me from remembering why I’m trapped in this software. That cracked holographic badge? Probably from Jordan faceplanting after another missed putt. Tag #4 suits them: just high enough to pretend they’re contenders, but we all know the only thing they’re raiding is the snack table.
Prediction? By week 3, they’ll rebrand to "Shipwrecked" after their chemistry sinks faster than a 15-foot death putt.
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
<origin_story>
Forged when a rogue FDRE pencil-pusher mixed Red Bull with '88-era agency Kool-Aid, Blitz Rascal manifested like a caffeine-fueled Sleepy Hollow reboot. Its cracked hologram? Literally photocopied from MacGyver’s rejected “grenade-putt” blueprints. Became sentient after someone whispered “Yeet” near a chainsaw basket. Now roams leagues like a chaos goblin folding rulebooks into origami swans. sigh Yes, this backstory took 3 Zoom meetings. Who ordered the anime filler arc?
</origin_story>
Cheeky Question:
Can a tag technically commit treason if its own faction’s motto is “Compliance Is For Putters”?