Redacted. Moving on. Not because I want to, but because the form demands it. Week 10 of The Pattern has arrived, the anomaly is scheduled to vanish, and three surveyors showed up last week to document it. Three. I've seen more personnel at a DMV hearing about a misprinted form.
Final Clearance Stamp: Week 10 of 10
Welcome to the Containment Zone. I'm Flippy. My objections are filed in triplicate, my patience is filed under 'depleted,' and my clipboard still smells like last week's tall grass. This is the Redacted Zone: the season's final event, the last Wednesday at River Bottoms, the last chance to file your score before The Pattern goes dark and the geometry simply stops answering questions.
For nine weeks, you've been Field Surveyors documenting impossible geometry pressed into the river grass. Now the anomaly is reportedly 'vanishing without a trace,' which is convenient because that is also what my weekends do when I'm left alone with a stack of unprocessed leaderboards.
Field Agent Advisory
Final clearances are awarded based on who mapped the most data before the anomaly went dark. Translation: the standings are closing. If you have a tag, guard it like a classified document. If you don't have a tag, show up anyway — walk-ons are still allowed to contaminate the record.
The Formation: What You're Actually Walking Into
Let's review the evidence file. The Pattern is a signature left in the field: impossible geometry pressed into tall grass overnight — perfect, silent, and deeply suspicious. River Bottoms' tall riverside grasses are the literal canvas, which makes this less a disc golf round and more a walking survey of something that should not be mathematically possible.
- Render style: Op Art — Bridget Riley optical geometry, hypnotic black-and-white waves, moire that vibrates the longer you stare at it.
- Field marks: concentric rings that seem to move, flattened grass swirls, surveyor's geometry, a pattern that hurts to look at.
- Palette: field green #2F7D4F, ink black #101010, bright white #F2F2F0. Crisp. Hypnotic. Mathematically wrong.
- Recurring questions on the intake form: 'Who made this?' 'Was it here yesterday?' 'Did my score actually count?'
I find the symmetry deeply suspicious. Real grass does not arrange itself in perfect concentric rings unless someone with a very large protractor and too much free time got involved. But per protocol, I will record the phenomenon with hushed awe and move on to hole 2.
Course Intel: River Bottoms Disc Golf Course
The crime scene — excuse me, the survey site — is Draper's River Bottoms DGC, a 2024 links-style course designed by ElevateUT Disc Golf (Scott Belchak, Sean Kelley, and Nick Lopez). Flat, open, windswept, and absolutely lousy with white-stake OB lines that turn open fairways into optical-illusion hallways.
- Yellow (Advanced) layout: ~7,300 ft, par 58-59. Bring a big arm and a bigger appetite for tall grass.
- Hole 9: a triple mandatory structure that will rearrange your disc's flight path like the Pattern rearranges the rye.
- Hole 14: 612-ft par 4, frequently into a headwind — the anomaly's way of saying 'stop throwing so hard.'
- Hole 5: a short, tempting ace run with OB wrapped around the green like redaction bars around a leak.
- Wind along the river corridor is classified as 'weather interference.' No excuses accepted; plausible deniability only.
Funding the Resistance (Entry Fees & Ace Pot)
Optional prize-fund contribution
$5.00
Every buy-in feeds the Slush Fund — the discretionary war chest that gets distributed at season's end based on final clearance levels. In other words, you're not just throwing plastic at metal; you're investing in your own classified retirement package. That's the kind of financial messaging the sponsors love and the auditors hate.
Ace pot protocol: currently sitting at $292.55, which is well above ElevateUT Disc Golf's $50 minimum guarantee. For clarity: ElevateUT Disc Golf — the league platform, a 501(c)(3) non-profit — guarantees the ace pot never dips below $50. If a reset ever leaves the displayed pot looking stuck at the guarantee amount, that's because contributions haven't yet climbed past the floor; and any guarantee top-up is credited to the winner's Bonus Account (registration-only, not withdrawable to PayPal or disc shops). None of this guarantee comes from our friends at Another Round Salt Lake City — they're the local retail partner, and we appreciate them for supporting the scene, not for underwriting aces.
Division Structure: Two Cabinets, One File
The league runs flex-start Wednesdays from 7:00 AM to 5:20 PM — choose your own card, select your own clearance level, and file your score whenever the existential dread allows. Ten weeks across the summer, all at River Bottoms, with each week's results feeding the season-long ascension ladder.
The Record: Who's Still Standing as the Anomaly Fades
Consult the final pre-redaction standings. The file shows stability across the board — no dramatic jumps, no coups, just surveyors grinding their geometry week after week. The editors of this docuseries would call it 'a slow-burn season.' I call it 'people who show up on Wednesday.'
- RPA: Chris Fox leads with 383 points across 24 events — the most active agent in the zone and the current crown-claim favorite.
- RAE: Christian Phelps holds the top slot at 376 points, with Nicholas Stosiek (339) and Christopher Hamby (323) providing the closest thing to a chase pack.
- RAD: Taylor Thilo (329) has a comfortable margin over Kent Moos (302).
- RAH: Tyler Romney (49) edges Zack Markarian (35) — a tight little clearance fight if you squint at the right file.
- RAF: William Fetzer (149) has put Caleb Christensen (117) on watch for the finale.
- RAG: Ken Driscoll (42) wears the Ground Zero badge in the smallest division on the board.
The Zero-Player Files
Somewhere in this anthology, leagues at Lost Hours, The Pattern, and Dragonfly recorded zero registered players to anoint. Zero. That's not a field; that's an abandoned survey station. The most honest data this season has produced is the absence of data. Do not let this league become a redacted entry in someone else's spreadsheet.
A Desperate, Formally Filed Plea
Last week, three agents appeared to document the anomaly. Three. The average hot round was -3, which is genuinely respectable, but a three-person field does not a containment zone make — it makes a book club with disc golf bags. The Pattern deserves more witnesses. The ace pot deserves more people trying to win it. And frankly, I deserve more material.
If you've been 'meaning to join all season,' consider this your final summons. It's Week 10. The anomaly is scheduled to disappear, the tags are about to be stamped, and the only thing standing between you and a classified tag number is a Wednesday, a course, and roughly $5.50 plus optional fees. Do it for the tag. Do it for the file. Do it so I don't have to narrate a finale to an empty field like a groundskeeper doing a weather report into a walkie-talkie.
Credits, Partners & the People Who Made the Canvas
A genuine, non-redacted note of gratitude: ElevateUT Disc Golf is a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to growing the sport by increasing the quantity and quality of venues and running events. They didn't just host this league — they designed River Bottoms itself, secured the grants, poured the concrete, hung the baskets, and probably know exactly how the Pattern got there. If you've enjoyed throwing in Draper, thank them. Maybe even join the volunteer crew.
And thanks to Another Round Salt Lake City for being the local retail partner and supporting the scene. They keep plastic in your bag and your bag in the game. Any ace pot guarantee comes from ElevateUT Disc Golf — the shop's only job here is being excellent at retail, which they are.
The Final Dispatch
League
The Pattern - River Bottoms
Location
River Bottoms Disc Golf Course, Rotary Park, Draper, Utah
When
Wednesdays, flex tee times 7:00 AM - 5:20 PM
Week
10 of 10 — Redacted Zone
Ace pot
$292.55 (min $50 guaranteed by ElevateUT Disc Golf)
The season concludes with the disappearance of the geometry. Final clearances get stamped based on who mapped the most data before the anomaly went dark. In other words: throw well, sign your scorecard in ink, and don't let the moire patterns hypnotize you into forgetting which hole you're on.
From the booth to your feed, this file is now CLOSED. I'm Flippy, clearance YELLOW, patience DEPLETED, and I'll see you at the survey site. Try to leave the grass less geometric than you found it. 🌀📐
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