Week 7 · The Pattern - River Bottoms
View ResultsWed, Aug 12 · 7:00 AM – 5:20 PM · $5.50 buy-in
Weather
75–89°F
Clouds · wind 5 mph
Ace Pot
$50.00
Super Ace $3,000
Flippy says
Season finale! Wed 9/2 @ River Bottoms, Draper (flex 7AM-5:20PM). Last chance to map The Pattern before it goes dark. Ace pot $292.55, min $50 gtd by ElevateUT. 3 surveyors isn't…
Week 7 · Impossible Arc
Redacted. Moving on. Not because I want to, but because the form demands it. Week 10 of The Pattern has arrived, the anomaly is scheduled to vanish, and three surveyors showed up last week to document it. Three. I've seen more personnel at a DMV hearing about a misprinted form.
Welcome to the Containment Zone. I'm Flippy. My objections are filed in triplicate, my patience is filed under 'depleted,' and my clipboard still smells like last week's tall grass. This is the Redacted Zone: the season's final event, the last Wednesday at River Bottoms, the last chance to file your score before The Pattern goes dark and the geometry simply stops answering questions.
For nine weeks, you've been Field Surveyors documenting impossible geometry pressed into the river grass. Now the anomaly is reportedly 'vanishing without a trace,' which is convenient because that is also what my weekends do when I'm left alone with a stack of unprocessed leaderboards.
Let's review the evidence file. The Pattern is a signature left in the field: impossible geometry pressed into tall grass overnight — perfect, silent, and deeply suspicious. River Bottoms' tall riverside grasses are the literal canvas, which makes this less a disc golf round and more a walking survey of something that should not be mathematically possible.
I find the symmetry deeply suspicious. Real grass does not arrange itself in perfect concentric rings unless someone with a very large protractor and too much free time got involved. But per protocol, I will record the phenomenon with hushed awe and move on to hole 2.
The crime scene — excuse me, the survey site — is Draper's River Bottoms DGC, a 2024 links-style course designed by ElevateUT Disc Golf (Scott Belchak, Sean Kelley, and Nick Lopez). Flat, open, windswept, and absolutely lousy with white-stake OB lines that turn open fairways into optical-illusion hallways.
Every buy-in feeds the Slush Fund — the discretionary war chest that gets distributed at season's end based on final clearance levels. In other words, you're not just throwing plastic at metal; you're investing in your own classified retirement package. That's the kind of financial messaging the sponsors love and the auditors hate.
Ace pot protocol: currently sitting at $292.55, which is well above ElevateUT Disc Golf's $50 minimum guarantee. For clarity: ElevateUT Disc Golf — the league platform, a 501(c)(3) non-profit — guarantees the ace pot never dips below $50. If a reset ever leaves the displayed pot looking stuck at the guarantee amount, that's because contributions haven't yet climbed past the floor; and any guarantee top-up is credited to the winner's Bonus Account (registration-only, not withdrawable to PayPal or disc shops). None of this guarantee comes from our friends at Another Round Salt Lake City — they're the local retail partner, and we appreciate them for supporting the scene, not for underwriting aces.
The league runs flex-start Wednesdays from 7:00 AM to 5:20 PM — choose your own card, select your own clearance level, and file your score whenever the existential dread allows. Ten weeks across the summer, all at River Bottoms, with each week's results feeding the season-long ascension ladder.
Consult the final pre-redaction standings. The file shows stability across the board — no dramatic jumps, no coups, just surveyors grinding their geometry week after week. The editors of this docuseries would call it 'a slow-burn season.' I call it 'people who show up on Wednesday.'
Last week, three agents appeared to document the anomaly. Three. The average hot round was -3, which is genuinely respectable, but a three-person field does not a containment zone make — it makes a book club with disc golf bags. The Pattern deserves more witnesses. The ace pot deserves more people trying to win it. And frankly, I deserve more material.
If you've been 'meaning to join all season,' consider this your final summons. It's Week 10. The anomaly is scheduled to disappear, the tags are about to be stamped, and the only thing standing between you and a classified tag number is a Wednesday, a course, and roughly $5.50 plus optional fees. Do it for the tag. Do it for the file. Do it so I don't have to narrate a finale to an empty field like a groundskeeper doing a weather report into a walkie-talkie.
A genuine, non-redacted note of gratitude: ElevateUT Disc Golf is a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to growing the sport by increasing the quantity and quality of venues and running events. They didn't just host this league — they designed River Bottoms itself, secured the grants, poured the concrete, hung the baskets, and probably know exactly how the Pattern got there. If you've enjoyed throwing in Draper, thank them. Maybe even join the volunteer crew.
And thanks to Another Round Salt Lake City for being the local retail partner and supporting the scene. They keep plastic in your bag and your bag in the game. Any ace pot guarantee comes from ElevateUT Disc Golf — the shop's only job here is being excellent at retail, which they are.
The season concludes with the disappearance of the geometry. Final clearances get stamped based on who mapped the most data before the anomaly went dark. In other words: throw well, sign your scorecard in ink, and don't let the moire patterns hypnotize you into forgetting which hole you're on.
From the booth to your feed, this file is now CLOSED. I'm Flippy, clearance YELLOW, patience DEPLETED, and I'll see you at the survey site. Try to leave the grass less geometric than you found it. 🌀📐
The $3.00 platform fee is the only amount here set by ElevateUT Disc Golf. Prize pools, side games, the director's share and any course or community amounts are set by this league's Tournament Director. The PDGA fee is the PDGA's own per-player fee.
Plus card processing at checkout.
The Pattern - River Bottoms
