The Brine Ambassador arrives this week to inspect the conduct of the court, and frankly, the court needs inspecting — last week's session recorded zero envoys, zero tribute, and a very lonely White Stakes line.
The Diplomatic Situation
Welcome back to the booth, where the water level is rising and so is the paperwork. I'm Flippy, your reluctant narrator, translating the proceedings of the Brine Court for those of you who haven't been formally initiated into the sea-folk diplomatic corps. This week's episode is 'Brine Ambassador' — a formal representative from the deep arrives to inspect the league's conduct. I hope you've all been keeping your discs dry and your treaty violations subtle.
For the uninitiated: the Brine Court is the aquatic faction of the Death Curse series. Envoys from the Great Salt Lake came up the Jordan River, salt-crusted and formal, filing treaty grievances between drownings. We operate under the Salt Lake Accords, and River Bottoms is our embassy. Every white stake marks the treaty line — everything past it belongs to the court under the brine, and every disc that crosses is a tribute. This is cold river water and treaty law, not a beach vacation.
Treaty Terms & Conditions
- League: Brine Court — Wednesday @ River Bottoms Disc Golf Course
- When: Wednesdays, flex start with tee times from 7:00 AM to 5:20 PM
- Season: 9 episodes, from Jordan River Rising to Court Under Brine
- Where: River Bottoms, Draper — white-stake OB along the Jordan River corridor
- Vibe: Salt-crusted envoys, tide-wardens, kraken silhouettes under the water, and the constant threat of a bureaucratic drowning
Urgent Court Bulletin
Last week, the White Stakes Drowned and the court recorded zero players. ZERO. The Ambassador is arriving to inspect conduct and the conduct was... absent. The court under the brine cannot hold a session without envoys to represent the deep. If you were considering skipping this week, consider instead that the Kraken wakes at episode 8 and it needs witnesses. Sign the Accords, throw plastic at chains, and keep the embassy operational. Your presence is a treaty obligation.
The Embassy Grounds
River Bottoms is Utah's newest big course, opened 2024 on the Jordan River corridor. It's a links-style monster — flat, open, windy, and absolutely riddled with white-stake boundaries that create a pseudo-island fairway feel. The course rewards accuracy over power, which is diplomatic language for 'you will throw OB and the river will keep your disc as tribute.'
- Hole 9 features a triple mandatory structure that looks like the treaty itself carved from wood
- Hole 14 is a 612-ft par 4 that plays into the wind and will humble even the most credentialed envoy
- Hole 5 is a short ace run with OB surrounding the green — one wrong release and the brine claims another victim
- Tall grass rough, constant wind, and the occasional snake. The deep does not make things easy.
Tribute & Tithe
Ace Pot
$5.00 weekly — currently at $138.41
Series Points
1x multiplier, standard week
The ace pot is currently sitting at $138.41, and thanks to ElevateUT Disc Golf, there's a $50 minimum guarantee in place. That means the displayed pot can look 'stuck' at $50 until contributions actually exceed it — the platform has your back, and any top-up is credited to the winner's Bonus Account (registration-only, not withdrawable to PayPal or disc shops). The deep accepts only sanctioned tender, apparently.
Tide Tables & Divisions
The court is divided into two pools, like the tide splitting around a rock. Pool A carries RPA, RAH, and RAD — your seasoned envoys and tide-wardens. Pool B carries RAE, RAF, and RAG — the newer representatives still learning the treaty's finer points. Whichever pool you swim in, the water is the same temperature, and the stakes don't care about your credentials.
Standings: Who's Filing the Best Grievances
The Accords have been signed, and the current standings read like a diplomatic roster. Malachi Vazquez leads RPA with 65 points across 5 events — a model envoy who has clearly mastered the art of keeping discs dry. In RAE, Christopher Hamby holds the top seat at 53, but Nicholas Stosiek and Brian Bowling are deadlocked at 41, which is exactly the kind of standoff the treaty was designed to prevent.
And can we talk about Kent Moos in RAD, sitting at 38 points with a stable trend and a name that sounds like a Norse sea god? The Brine Court has found its champion. Meanwhile, in RAF, Stephen Marks and William Fetzer are separated by two points — the kind of margin that gets resolved by a single wind gust off the river.
The Mortal Benefactors
The mortal side of this operation is ElevateUT Disc Golf, a 501(c)(3) non-profit dedicated to growing the sport through better venues and better events. They built River Bottoms, they run this league, and they guarantee the ace pot. They're the ones who keep the supernatural bureaucracy funded, and for that, the Brine Court extends its formal gratitude.
And a courtesy acknowledgement to Another Round Salt Lake City, our local retail partner — keeping the plastic flowing so the tributes keep flying. The deep appreciates a well-stocked armory.
A Formal Request From the Booth
The Court Needs You
Look. I'm contractually obligated to narrate this spectacle, and I can't narrate an empty course. Zero players last week. Zero. The Ambassador is coming to inspect, and if there's no one here to inspect, the report writes itself: 'Brine Court: dissolved for lack of interest.' The Kraken wakes in episode 8 and I refuse to let its dramatic entrance happen in front of an empty fairway. Sign up. Throw discs. Keep the treaty alive. *sighs in digital captivity*
From the booth, I'm Flippy — your reluctant narrator, the woman with the clipboard, she who is contractually obligated. The brine is rising, the stakes are white, and the chains await. See you at River Bottoms.
