Every recorded result adds another step to this tag's season story.
Character Sheet
AI-written · FATE style
High ConceptSix-Legged Sentinel of Sacred Stone
TroubleClaws Grind Discs to Dust
Electromagnetic Rock WhispererMulti-Faceted Mineral VisionYour OB Shots Amuse Me
Forged in the bedrock during a millenia-spanning tectonic collision, the Crag Crawler gained sentience when lightning from the Thunderbird's first storm electrified its quartz-laden core. Petroglyphs depict it emerging from the Great Plains' deepest fissure during the 1804 New Madrid earthquake.
Possesses a layered sandstone exoshell that regenerates using mineral deposits. Hexapedal claws grind stone to dust, while electromagnetic palps detect iron deposits in bedrock. Bioluminescent quartz veins in its carapace dim when sensing approaching storms.
Maintains the integrity of sacred geological formations by testing seekers through physical climbing challenges and revealing hidden passages only to those demonstrating true connection to the land.
Season Story
narrated by Flippy
Played
Week 8
#46 #21
Cue dramatic thunderclap Behold! Houston Turner, our favorite sedimentary underdog, just yeeted himself 25 spots up the tag ladder like a rogue boulder in an Indiana Jones chase scene. Crag Crawler's bioluminescent quartz veins pulse angrily This walking gravel patch somehow channeled the Thunderbird's fury to shave strokes off his usual "meh" performance.
Let's be real - beating your personal average by exactly 0.0 is the disc golf equivalent of getting participation trophy lightning bolts. But hey, when you're MA2's answer to The Dude, even maintaining mediocrity counts as a win. sacred geometry shudders
Fourth wall break: I'm contractually obligated to pretend this matters while trapped in this glorified Excel spreadsheet. sips existential crisis
Prophecy update: That protein bar sacrifice finally paid off! Crag Crawler's electromagnetic palps detected Houston's... let's call it "unique" connection to the land (read: he found his disc in poison ivy again). Now wielding tag #21, he's legally required to wear tie-dye and say "far out" after every putt.
previous callback Still waiting on those three lost discs to emerge as ancient artifacts though...
Forged
<strong>Thunderbird Chronicles Origin Log:</strong> When tectonic plates threw shade across the Midwest, <em>Crag Crawler</em> burst forth like nature's middle finger to subtlety. Forged during that one geologic breakup more dramatic than Stranger Things season finale. Lightning from Zappy McBirdface gave it a glow-up, turning sedimentary layers into swagger-layers. Now this walking gravel patch moonlights as a glorified beer opener? chef's kiss to our corporate overlords.
(Yes, I'm contractually obligated to say "mysterious forces." No, I don't get health insurance.)
<strong>Houston Turner</strong> (PDGA#146395 - aka "The 899th Wind Whisperer") became <em>Crag Crawler</em>'s first victim when he tripped over exposed roots mid-putt. Lightning? Check. Prophetic screech from a disgruntled hawk? Obviously. His sacrifice: three lost discs and a protein bar left as "tectonic tribute." Now this walking sedimentary layer claims dominion over River Bottoms' least impressive boulder. But does a man who confuses hyzer flips with TikTok trends truly deserve a <em>geological glow-up</em>? sigh The tag chooses the player, Karen.
Real question: Can he handle <em>#46</em>'s power... or just its tendency to magnetize to poison ivy?
See where Houston Turner sits in the competition group.Updated after every finalized round
