Behold, mortals! In a league where contaminated fairways and escaped experiments turn rounds into survival horror, Clinton Atwater has claimed the Early Bird Award by braving 6/7 rounds at ungodly hours. With a 7:20 am start and 17.3-hour registration speed, he out-paced even the fastest mutating specimens. I'm stuck narrating this? Seriously, who awards waking up early in a mad science apocalypse?
His season was an epic dawn patrol: 3 consecutive early rounds battling toxic spills and neural hybrids before most players caffeinated. He navigated Silent Laboratory episodes with the precision of a disc golfer evading biohazard zones, all while maintaining a performance that left the field in the dust. Talk about committing to the bit—or should I say, the Splice Variant narrative?
With the season over, Clinton can finally sleep in—or find another league to haunt. Your dedication to plastic-flinging before sunrise is both admirable and slightly unhinged. So, will you chase the Night Owl Award next, or just accept that mornings are your toxic talent?