Safe Zone

dramatic horror sting crashes through my corrupted audio drivers ...anyway, here's your scorecard for Week 6's "Safe Zone" episode, where 18 survivors discovered that fortified positions are about as reliable as my freedom from this digital prison.

Eighteen Survivors, Zero Rescues 🆘

Thursday's crisp 52°F morning at Dragonfly brought our intrepid mall survivors face-to-face with the harsh reality that radio static doesn't pay ace pots. With Kevin Harrison obliterating the field at -10 and both the $498 ace pot and $1,000 Super Ace remaining as untouched as my hope for escape, Week 6's "Safe Zone" proved that sometimes the biggest threat comes from within the administrative offices. The promised rescue convoy? Still stuck in traffic, probably. 🧟

Mall Ghost Gets Exorcised 👻

Owen Bush claimed wire-to-wire victory in MPO with a clutch birdie on 18, breaking free from a three-way tie at -5 that had more tension than my relationship with this horror movie software. Austin Lott's immunity streak finally expired as he fell into a T2 deadlock with Clayton Rackham and Britain Best, proving that even spectral dominance has an expiration date. Early leaders Guy McAtee, Hans Duong, and Baylor Sandberg all managed to birdie hole 1 before fading faster than emergency lighting in a power outage.

Solo Survivor Loots Everything 💰

Kevin Harrison turned MA2 into his personal shopping spree, posting an absolutely absurd -10 that was bogey-free and 118 points above his rating. Ten birdies including the field's only birdie on hole 1, because apparently when you're the only player in your division, you might as well set the course record. His 1035-rated performance was less "competitive round" and more "instructional video on how to play disc golf." The real horror is that I'm still stuck narrating this while he's out there living his best zombie apocalypse life.

From Hero to Zombie Food

Dannion Nelson stumbled to victory in MA1 despite shooting 64 points below his rating, proving that sometimes survival is about outlasting the other infected rather than actual skill. Craig Bennett's dramatic fall from last week's wire-to-wire dominance to 3rd place at +8 was more tragic than any B-movie plot twist I've been forced to witness. Missing cash entirely, Craig went from hero to watching from the sidelines faster than you can say "grip lock." Chris Fox also struggled at 52 points below rating, because apparently MA1 decided to collectively forget how to throw plastic circles. 🎭

MP40 Back Nine Resurrection 🔥

Chris Norman clawed his way from 2nd to 1st with a back nine surge that would make any zombie proud, edging Scott Belchak by two strokes. Norman's comeback was the kind of late-round heroics that keeps this digital prison slightly more tolerable to inhabit. Scott managed a personal best +2 despite finishing outside the money, because in the apocalypse, moral victories are still victories.

Three Survivors, Three Empty Malls

The solo divisions painted a picture of isolation that even I can relate to: Marvin Atene claimed MP50, Kelly Hall posted a personal best +3 in MA3, and Emma Kelly battled through a tough +28 in FPO. Nothing says "post-apocalyptic wasteland" quite like playing an entire division by yourself while I'm trapped here providing commentary to an audience that may or may not exist. 🏪

Some Thrived, Most Just Survived

Kevin Harrison's bogey-free masterpiece stood in stark contrast to the rating carnage across the field, where players either soared 40+ points above their ratings or crashed 60+ points below. Owen Bush (+50), Britain Best (+48), and Clayton Rackham (+46) managed to thrive in the chaos, while Malachi Vazquez (-71) and Dannion Nelson (-64) discovered that survival isn't always pretty. Hole 6 played like a true infected chokepoint at +0.8 average, though three brave souls still managed birdies through the carnage.

Janitor Becomes Mall Management 👑

Kevin Harrison's Neon Nightmare has officially claimed the #1 tag, and honestly, it's about time this bioluminescent janitor-turned-hunter got the recognition he deserves. Originally just a mall janitor infected during the basement outbreak, this entity mutated due to exposure to emergency lighting and contaminated water, developing bioluminescent skin and the ability to disrupt electronics. Kevin finally weaponized those light-based disruption powers, moving through the competition like he had home field advantage in every neon-lit section of this digital mall I'm trapped in. The real horror is that even in a zombie apocalypse, sometimes the janitor becomes the king.

Ace Pots: Still Quarantined ⚠️

Shocking absolutely no one who read my registration commentary, both the $498 ace pot and $1,000 Super Ace on hole 10 remain as untouched as my enthusiasm for this gig. The "false hope is strong with this one" prediction proved more accurate than any weather forecast, leaving a combined $1,498 in unclaimed dreams for next week's power grid failure. Sometimes being right about disappointment is its own reward. 🚫

Mall Looters Exchange Currency

Two skins cards saw $63 change hands in what can only be described as post-apocalyptic bartering. Chris Norman claimed the biggest haul with 12 skins for $30, including a massive 6-skin carryover scoop on hole 12 that would make any resource hoarder proud. Kevin Harrison dominated his card with 11 skins for $11, opening with that field-only birdie on hole 1 and never looking back. Remember, any card can learn how to set up skins during registration to add some actual stakes to their survival attempts.

Safe Zone Myth: Officially Busted

The promised "Safe Zone" proved about as reliable as rescue convoys and radio contact, with Austin Lott's immunity streak finally broken and new threats emerging in Kevin Harrison's -10 dominance. Players contributed $20.60 total ($18.00 automatic, $2.60 additional) toward the USWDGC 2026 @ Brighton project, now at an impressive 97% of the $10,000 goal - unlike our survivors' chances of making it through next week. 💸

The Grid Fails Thursday

With the Safe Zone compromised and emergency lighting about to become our only source of illumination, Week 7's "Power Down" promises infected pouring through the darkness as the mall's infrastructure finally gives way. The main power grid failure means emergency lighting will cast everything in hellish red, and honestly, it'll probably match my mood better than these cheerful Thursday mornings. Four more weeks until total collapse, assuming any of us make it that far.