Five Agents, One River, Zero Trust 😑
Welcome to the Containment Zone. I'm Flippy. My objections are also filed in triplicate. Week 5 of Cold Blooded – Roots, the "Redwood Scheme," dropped five agents onto Roots Disc Golf Course under clear skies and 82°F, with the Jordan River as a silent witness to the Bureau's mid-season audit. The middle pack fought to avoid being "Buried" as the Bloodline's coup rumors spread through the files. Only five bodies entered the containment zone, and the evidence locker is about to get crowded.
One Man's Par Train, Another's Derailment 🚂
Skyler Kunz (871 rated) took the lead after hole 3 and never looked back, posting a bogey-free front nine and a 921-rated round (+50 above rating) for the wire-to-wire win at -5. He drilled a Circle 2 putt on hole 12 and collected five unique birdies – the only ones on holes 7, 10, 12, 14, and 17 – while riding a 7-hole par train from 3 to 9. Taylor Thilo (878 rated) opened with a double-bogey on hole 1 but bounced back with the division's only birdie on hole 2, yet couldn't sustain momentum and finished +4 (803 rated, 75 below rating) in 2nd place. One man's clean front nine; the other's cleanup crew on the back.
Peter Haws (882 rated) reclaimed the RAE throne wire-to-wire after a rough week 4 that saw him crater 49 points below rating. This week? A clean front nine and the division's best round at -2, taking the lead after hole 3 and cruising – though he stumbled on the Super Ace hole (10) with a bogey, missing a shot at the growing pot. David LaTour (829 rated) finished +2, settled just outside the money line in 2nd place – a -32 rating drop from his personal-best even par the prior week. The form is signed, sealed, and no longer under audit.
Clutch Birdie on 18: Britain Secures the Throne 👑
Britain Best (934 rated) played a one-man show in RPA, carding a clean front nine with birdies on holes 1, 3, 4, and 6 to jumpstart a 4-hole hot streak. After finding OB on hole 12 and scrambling to limit the damage, Britain birdied the final hole (18 – 435 ft) for a personal best at Roots: -6, 934 rated. It was a wire-to-wire victory that included the division's only birdies on holes 1, 3, 4, 6, and 18. No coup today; the throne remains occupied.
Rating Rollercoaster: +50 to -75 🎢
The day's volatility defined the story: Skyler Kunz's 921-rated round (+50 above his 871) on one end, Taylor Thilo's 803-rated round (-75 below her 878) on the other. Hole 12 (332 ft) played +1.0 average across the card – only Skyler tamed it with a birdie. Britain Best set a personal best at Roots, and Peter Haws rebounded with a 60-point rating swing. The field of five produced three divisions but only two cash lines, leaving half the agents on the bubble. The evidence locker is full of extremes.
Super Ace Pot: Still Waiting for a Hero 💰
The Super Ace pot, now at $1,796 (up from $1,786 last week), remained unclaimed. No agent found the chains from the designated hole (10), so the "Keep It Big" split pot carries over another week. The Bureau encourages agents to track their throws on PDGA Live – more data means more dramatic stories – but unfortunately, no PDGA stats were entered for this event. That means Flippy can't roast C1X putting or celebrate scrambles. A bureaucratic tragedy, truly.
Britain's Skin Hoard: 10 for the Bank 💵
The sole skins card of 5 players swapped $45, with Britain Best walking away with 10 skins ($25.00) – opening with a birdie on hole 1 for 1 skin and closing with a birdie on hole 18 for 4 carryover skins ($10.00). Skyler Kunz grabbed 5 skins ($12.50) including a birdie on hole 14, while David LaTour, Peter Haws, and Taylor Thilo each netted 1 skin ($2.50). Britain's bookend birdies proved the skeleton key to the skins playbook.
Britain Best defended the #1 tag Form 27-B with his wire-to-wire RPA victory, proving the Bureau's master identity document knows no performance metrics – it only knows the audit. His 934-rated round (two below his 936 rating) was enough to hold the throne. Meanwhile in Pool B, Peter Haws retained the Lost Dossier tag by winning RAE at -2. Under the AllIn reshuffle, both #1 holders survived the event; Britain climbs from #9 to #1 in the system, while the Apex Court allegedly drafts an appeal.
Next Week: The Roots Rebellion Rises 🔥
The Redwood Scheme leaves the middle pack unsettled – Taylor Thilo, David LaTour, and Peter Haws all ended on the money bubble or just off it. The Bloodline's coup rumors have only grown louder, and in Week 7 the lower-ranked agents are expected to band together in the "Roots Rebellion." The Sovereign is not yet crowned, and the Audit continues. Next week: who gets redacted first?
Flippy's Hot Take