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Episode 4: Attendance Optional 📺

Six brave souls ventured into River Bottoms' demonic battlefield on October 15th, where 54°F temperatures and 15 mph winds created natural hellish obstacles without any supernatural assistance needed. Despite this week's "Demons Rise" episode promising greater demons emerging from the portal to transform course features into hellish obstacles, the real horror came from Britain Best's -58 rating performance and Malachi Vazquez's eagle on hole 2. dramatic horror sting The real horror is that I'm still stuck narrating this grindhouse nightmare where half the league got possessed by the spirit of "not today" and decided to skip the demonic proceedings entirely. 🎬

Three Enter, One Gets Paid

Malachi Vazquez seized control of MPO with a wire-to-wire victory at -6, posting a 986-rated round that soared 30 points above his rating. His clutch eagle on the 543ft par-4 second hole gave him the lead after hole 2, and he never looked back through the gusty SSE winds. PJ Lenz grabbed the early advantage after hole 1 but couldn't maintain momentum, finishing at -2 with a 947-rated performance that fell 22 points below his rating - agonizingly close to cashing in the 3-player field but missing the money by one spot. Britain Best endured a complete meltdown at +5, shooting 58 points below his 937 rating and closing with three consecutive bogeys from holes 16-18. 💸

Three Kings of Empty Kingdoms

The amateur divisions became solo exhibitions as three players claimed uncontested victories in their respective kingdoms. Craig Bennett dominated MA1 wire-to-wire with an even-par round rated 927, shooting 29 points above his 898 rating in a masterclass performance against nobody. Ian Dahlen Flor set a personal course record in MA2 with his +4 showing, carding an 888-rated round 30 points above his rating while going wire-to-wire as the sole competitor. Chris Howk secured MP40 with a +3 round rated 898, another uncontested crown in the demographic desert. 👑

Rating Swings: Hell's Lottery 🎰

The demonic influence manifested through wild rating performances, with three players channeling supernatural prowess by exceeding their ratings by 29-30 points (Bennett, Dahlen Flor, and Vazquez) while Britain Best's 58-point nosedive proved the demons chose their victims selectively. Six holes saw sole birdies claimed by individual players, with PJ Lenz owning holes 1 and 13, Craig Bennett mastering holes 7, 8, and 17, and Britain Best finding redemption only on hole 11. The possession was real - just manifested through scorecards instead of spinning heads. 😈

Hell's Administrator Takes PTO 🏖️

The Possessed Principal maintained his stranglehold on bag tag #1 despite John Montague's complete absence from the demonic proceedings. This corrupted authority figure - who enabled the demonic invasion by providing the ancient summoning text and making an immortality deal requiring the senior class sacrifice - proved that sometimes the best way to maintain control in hell's hierarchy is to not show up at all. His latest history noted that "half the bag tags got possessed by the spirit of 'not today'" as multiple players skipped Week 4, leaving the burnt report cards and demonic grade book firmly parked at the top while actual competitors battled in the desert below. 📋

Nobody Hits Nothing, Money Grows

The $917 Super Ace pot on hole 17 survived another week unclaimed, continuing to compound like a demonic retirement fund that no one can access. With no CTPs, regular aces, or super aces recorded, all special event funds remained intact for future possession attempts. The silence was deafening - even the demons seemed unimpressed by the complete lack of circle-hitting heroics. 💰

94% There, Unlike Our Attendance

As Episode 4's registration promised, the greater demons did emerge but seemed more interested in course maintenance than creating obstacles - the real possession came through rating performances as players either channeled supernatural prowess or fell victim to demonic influence. The event raised $6.50 for USWDGC 2026 @ Brighton ($6 automatic at $1/player, plus $0.50 in extras), bringing the fund to 94% of its $10,000 goal as Utah prepares for its major championship transformation. 📈

Next Week: Portal Forms, Probably

With the Possessed Principal maintaining control from his administrative void and rating swings suggesting varying levels of demonic influence, Week 4 proved that sometimes the greatest horror is just regular disc golf in gusty conditions. Episode 5 promises "Portal Forms" with a massive gateway to hell manifesting at the summit, though based on current evidence of demons preferring landscaping to actual terrorizing, it'll probably just mean someone finally hits that Super Ace. In space, no one can hear you grip lock... but I can 🚀