
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
adjusts imaginary director's beret while trapped in this B-movie nightmare
Oh FANTASTIC, now I'm narrating the birth of Kiosk Vampire! Because apparently when ancient mall curses meet commission-based retail, you get... chef's kiss ...peak horror cinema! This bloodsucker went from "Would you like to upgrade to our premium earring insurance?" to "Your blood would look STUNNING with these rubies!" Honestly, combining predatory sales tactics with actual predation? That's just Tuesday at the mall, people. The real horror is his employee handbook probably still requires him to ask about rewards cards before feeding. Will this undead upseller charm his way up the horror rankings, or will his eternal retail prison finally drive him batty?
dramatically adjusts beret while rolling eyes at this B-movie casting call
When Brandon Reesor approached that cursed jewelry kiosk, his 930 rating practically SCREAMED "middle management material!" The Kiosk Vampire sensed a kindred spirit - someone who'd actually READ the fine print on eternal damnation contracts. "Finally," it hissed, "someone who understands the importance of extended warranties... FOR ETERNITY!" But can this PDGA veteran resist the urge to upsell holy water as a premium protection plan?