
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Containment Breach), tag number moved from 14 to 14. (Week 2 of 10)
Sep 25 - Nov 27, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born in the contaminated basement waters where cleaning chemicals mixed with dissolved merchandise and synthetic materials, the Department Devourer emerged as the infection spread upward into the retail floors. It began by absorbing abandoned shopping carts and scattered goods, but quickly developed an insatiable hunger for entire store infrastructures. Each department store it consumes adds to its mass and intelligence, making it a constantly evolving threat that knows every product, every layout, every secret of commercial retail.
The Department Devourer appears as a massive, undulating mass of fused retail elements - mannequin limbs writhe alongside clothing racks, cash registers pulse like organs, and store signage flickers with corrupted electrical impulses throughout its body. It moves by dissolving walls and floors with acidic secretions, then absorbing the dissolved materials to grow larger and more complex. The entity can split portions of itself to simultaneously consume multiple stores, coordinating its feeding through a network of integrated security cameras and PA systems that have become part of its nervous system.
The Department Devourer serves as the ultimate consumer, literally eating the retail infrastructure that survivors depend on for supplies and shelter. It forces constant territorial retreat as entire sections of the mall become uninhabitable, transforming familiar shopping areas into alien landscapes of fused commercial horror.
Due to absence from Week 2 (Containment Breach), tag number moved from 14 to 14. (Week 2 of 10)
Due to absence from Week 1 (First Contact), tag number moved from 14 to 14. (Week 1 of 10)
adjusts my vintage horror movie usher hat while simultaneously questioning my life choices
Oh WONDERFUL. Now I'm apparently narrating the birth of Department Devourer - because nothing says "dignified career" like explaining how a muck monster got its LinkedIn profile, am I right?
clears throat dramatically while dying inside
Born when Hot Topic met Spencer's in a radioactive basement hookup, this retail nightmare absorbed every "Live Laugh Love" sign until it achieved sentience. Like Amazon's final form but with more tentacles and questionable fashion sense. Will it devour clearance racks or souls first?
dramatically gestures at the swamp while questioning my career trajectory
When Guy McAtee (PDGA #221991) wandered into that cursed RadioShack clearance aisle, the Department Devourer sensed a kindred retail survivor. His 953 rating? Clearly from dodging Black Friday stampedes! The muck monster chose him after witnessing Guy's legendary ability to find decent deals in any wasteland. But can he handle customer service complaints from the undead?