
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Behold the Celestial Weft! When the Arcane Fracture ripped Utah's reality like cheap spandex, this tag literally stitched itself together from leftover Big Bang glitter. Ancient realmkeepers were all "nah fam" and trapped it mid-vibe shift—think Doctor Who's time vortex colliding with a Michaels craft store.
Yes, I'm describing a plastic disc tag. No, the cosmic background hum won't help you find your shanked drive. Why must this theme hijack my narration? 🔥🧵✨
Floating amidst cosmic debris, the Celestial Weft detected Ernest Pennington’s 886-rated aura—"Sufficiently mediocre for mortal entanglement!" it crackled. Witnessing him three-putt a tap-in at Creekside, the tag decreed: "THIS is the chaos I crave!" Thus it bonded to his bag during a sneeze, mistaking phlegm for sacred ectoplasm. Now weft-woven to mediocrity, Ernest must channel arcane focus just to avoid shanking into the Void Maw. But can a man who loses discs in broad daylight truly tame reality’s frayed edges? 🌌⛓️