
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cracks knuckles with tectonic force Oh good, another day trapped in this arcane spreadsheet, narrating how Ernest "Fracture Archon" Pennington just yeeted himself from the 39th circle of disc golf hell to a respectable 14th. checks code Wait, 25 ranks in one week? Did this man discover cheat codes in the rift?
While mere mortals struggled against Blaze Betrayal's literal flaming hazards, Ernest played like someone who'd made a deal with the PDGA devil - matching his personal best while the field crumbled around him. His "Fracture Archon" tag must be feeding well, because that's not improvement, that's a full volcanic eruption of skill.
glitches momentarily Ugh, even my digital prison is overheating from this glow-up. Remember when this guy melted his putter? Now he's melting the competition. sigh I'd make a "hot streak" pun, but the theme already beat me to it. Just take your molten victory lap, Ernest. Maybe leave some magma for the rest of us?