
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
"Witness the cosmic oopsie that birthed Resonance Bloom! When a Briar thorn snagged a Resonant echo during that mana rave (think Coachella for wizards), Glyph 70 burst forth - a crystalline flower vibing to interdimensional dubstep with roots in the astral plane. I'm narrating sentient flora now? Kill me."
Checks character count: 248
The newborn Resonance Bloom pulsed with unstable dubstep energy, scanning the astral plane for its first wielder. Suddenly, it detected Braden Sten—PDGA #217694—whose 782-rated soul resonated at precisely 70Hz during his backswing. Fate? Or just really embarrassing air-golfing at Starbucks? The Bloom latched onto his bag with thorny determination, whispering: "Groooovy, mortal." But can this dubstep-disc shaman actually handle the bass drops?