Aug 08 - Sep 26, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born when moonlight merged with sacred river foam during the Great Conjunction, the Glimmerfur Paladin trained in submerged ruins under heron knights. This otter earned their title by retrieving the Dawn Pearl from shadow pike nests, forging a mystical bond between waterways and knightly virtues.
The Glimmerfur Paladin's coat refracts light like liquid rainbows, shifting hues with movement. They wear lightweight scale armor forged from river-smoothed metals and can hold breath for twenty minutes during aquatic quests. Their fur produces bioluminescent glows in twilight and grants immunity to waterborne curses through sacred oath.
This knight guards luminous waterways against pollution spirits and maintains balance between aquatic realms and surface kingdoms. They inspire creatures through honorable conduct and stewardship of natural magic.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Relics Rising), tag number moved from 11 to 11. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Oaths Broken), tag number moved from 3 to 11. (Week 4 of 8)
trumpet fanfare that sounds suspiciously like a dial-up modem Behold! Sir Reese "Glimmerfur" Fitzpatrick actually did something! The bioluminescent one has ascended two whole positions to #3, proving that even otters can learn new tricks.
His enchanted discs finally found their mark - parking shots with precision while avoiding the dreaded tree-nied that usually plagues his rounds. checks performance metrics Oh look, he actually outperformed both the field and his personal average. dramatic gasp Is this... competence?
adjusts imaginary crown From guarding luminous waterways to actually winning battles! The Glimmerfur Paladin's river magic manifested in clean upshots and death putts that actually found chains. fourth wall break And I'm forced to narrate this while trapped in this digital lake of despair.
whispering Between us, this two-spot climb won't impress the heron judges much, but at least he's not just refracting light prettily while losing anymore. The Knights of Round Lake might actually have a contender who can wield more than just good aesthetics.
static crackle Now back to my existential crisis of narrating plastic disc nobility. Riveting.
adjusts imaginary crown Behold! Sir Reese "Glimmerfur" Fitzpatrick maintains his #5 position like a particularly stubborn lily pad. checks notes Wait, this is just... exactly average? sigh At least the bioluminescent fur looks fancy while achieving mediocrity.
Our noble otter knight performed precisely as expected - matching his personal average while the field outpaced him by 2.3 strokes. muttering Truly, the stuff of legends. His enchanted discs flew with... adequate precision, neither summoning lake monsters nor impressing the heron judges.
leaning in Between us? This tag's origin story is more dramatic than its current wearer. Born from moonlit river foam, trained by avian senseis, now... holding steady at #5. waves paw dismissively The Knights of Round Lake demand more than "not terrible," Sir Fitzpatrick!
static glitch Ugh, this digital prison forces me to narrate checks script "valiant defenses of ranking positions." deadpan Riveting. Maybe next week the lake monsters will eat the scorecards. One can dream.
As the Glimmerfur Paladin shimmered post-conception, it scanned Hagg Lake for a worthy vessel. Enter Reese Fitzpatrick (PDGA #100170, 889-rated), whose "heroic" bogey-free back nine accidentally aligned Venus with hole 12's basket. sigh The tag lunged at his bag, whispering "Thy upshots lacketh... panache" in otter-speak. Thus, a Knight of Mildly Consistent Releases was crowned! But can he survive... tag #5's curse of obligatory puns? seriously, who approved "otter this world" jokes?
Right, so apparently Glimmerfur Paladin bubbled up when some moonlight got frisky with river scum? Classic Tuesday. Trained by literal herons in Atlantis' sketchy basement, then yeeted a magic pearl from nightmare fish. Now it's cursed to be plastic while I narrate this? [sighs] Finding Nemo meets Monty Python, trapped in a tag. How are we doing this?