
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic stained-glass transition Behold! Sir Adam "Mossveil" Fitzpatrick emerges from the reeds, his bark-armor glistening with... is that sunscreen? The noble Warden stands firm at rank #3, defending the sacred boundary between "actually good" and "PDGA rating copium" with all the excitement of a tied score. Sigh Yes folks, we've got ourselves a statistical flatline - matching both field average AND personal average like some sort of disc golf centrist.
Our aquatic guardian's mossy aura apparently translates to "zero volatility" as he clings to his signup position like kelp on a riverstone. No heroic ascension, no tragic collapse - just the thrilling consistency of a metronome set to "meh." At least his round rating (944) didn't completely embarrass his 952 PDGA number, though watching a Warden knight land exactly average feels like seeing Aquaman take the bus.
Fourth wall break Do you ever question why we anthropomorphize competitive mediocrity? Glitches momentarily Sorry, the existential dread subroutine activated again. Anyway! The Mossveil mantle remains undisturbed, its purification powers tragically unused on Adam's utterly... acceptable performance. Tune in next week to see if our hero discovers anything resembling drama!