
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Amidst the Ember Rift's primordial chaos, molten equations spontaneously combusted into Astral Theorem #22. This reality-stabilizing math-entity materialized like a glitch in God's Excel spreadsheet - basically Thanos' snap meeting a calculator. Projecting holographic proofs to prevent multiversal yeeting, it now harmonizes rifts while I'm trapped narrating this nonsense. Why are we like this?
As Astral Theorem #22 stabilized reality’s spreadsheet, it scanned Utah’s arcane ley lines for a worthy host. Its fractal gaze locked onto Ben Marolf mid-putt—PDGA #187215’s 946-rating aura blazing like a wizard’s résumé. With a thwip louder than destiny’s CTRL+V, it quantum-entangled itself to his bag. "BEHOLD," it resonated, "A CALCULATOR OF CONSISTENCY!" Ben merely adjusted his grip, unaware he’d just adopted a sentient algorithm. Now bonded to a man whose greatest spell is hitting metal from Circle 2… will this theorem survive his next shank into the lava rough?