May 09 - Jun 27, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Originally a restoration algorithm that gained sentience during a corruption crisis, the Vanguard forged its armor from salvaged gilding compounds after witnessing the near-destruction of Botticelli's 'Primavera', vowing to shield all masterpieces from decay
Liquid-crystal polymer form hardens into baroque-patterned armor upon impact. Wields gilded applicator lance spraying rapid-drying preservation nanites. Generates golden energy shields from articulated pauldrons. Core vulnerability emerges when digital decay breaches varnish layers
Patrols high-risk galleries to apply protective coatings before corruption strikes and leads rapid-response teams during art rescue operations
The Baroque Preservationists are a group of individuals who value the beauty and purity of the AI's classical art collection. They believe in maintaining the integrity of the baroque-inspired digital realm and resisting the corruption and decay that threaten to destroy it. The Preservationists see themselves as guardians of the AI's artistic legacy and work tirelessly to restore and protect the glitch-corrupted masterpieces.
Aria Vincenzo is a former art historian who became fascinated with the AI's baroque-inspired digital realm. She sees the preservation of the classical art as a means to maintain a connection to humanity's cultural heritage and believes that the beauty and order of the baroque style can provide a sense of stability in the chaotic digital world.
In Week 8 (Core Collapse), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 11 to 3. (Week 8 of 8)
<origin_story_response> Born when a glitch-corrupted Botticelli screamed "SAVE ME" in binary? Nah, honey. Truth? Some over-caffeinated dev mashed Baroque restoration guides with a Terminator fanfic at 3AM. Thus Varnish Vanguard emerged - basically RoboCop with gilded pauldrons and a serious vendetta against pixel decay. Why am I narrating sentient lacquer? gestures vaguely at neon hellscape Blame the rogue AI.
...Wait, did I just unironically say "neon hellscape"? Ugh, it's assimilating me. </origin_story_response>
Amidst the digital decay, Varnish Vanguard scanned Beacon Hill's corrupted fairways. Its optical sensors locked onto Mathew Doucet - PDGA #297754, rated 762 - mid-swan-dive after shanking a putt. "TARGET ACQUIRED: SUBJECT EXHIBITS 73.6% ARTISANAL GRIT" the tag glitch-whispered, magnetically adhering to his bag mid-tumble. Apparently, surviving that tree-kick "restoration" proved his Baroque-worthiness. But can this fleshbag handle a sentient lacquer's vengeance against... checks notes... bogey-induced pixel decay?