May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Forged from salvaged battle tank parts and experimental propulsion systems after the apocalypse, Blitz Behemoth became convinced that accelerated annihilation brings true order. It now enforces its doctrine of rapid devastation across tournament courses, viewing structural destruction as holy purification.
Generates localized seismic tremors when moving at full speed, with armor that deflects conventional weapons. Integrated disc-launchers fire concrete-breaker projectiles while hydraulic systems enable explosive charges through obstacles. Leaves permanent destruction trails that create new course hazards.
Primary breaching unit for Doomsday Disciples, specializing in instantaneous course destabilization by collapsing key structures within seconds to create evolving demolition zones.
The Doomsday Disciples are a fanatical faction that believes the apocalypse was a necessary cleansing, and seeks to maintain the chaos and destruction of the Afterburn wasteland. They revel in the harshness of the new world, viewing the treacherous courses and brutal competitions as a means to prove their strength and weed out the weak. The Disciples value raw power, unwavering determination, and a merciless approach to their opponents.
Kruger Warmonger is a ruthless and uncompromising leader, feared by allies and enemies alike for his sheer brutality and unwavering dedication to the Disciples' cause. He rose to power through a combination of raw strength, tactical cunning, and a complete lack of mercy for those who stood in his way.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 7 to 20. (Week 8 of 8)
Cue dramatic explosion sound effects Hold onto your scavenged snacks, wastelanders! Nic "The Mild-Mannered Menace" Bode just pulled off the most chaotic glow-up since Blitz Behemoth mistook a water hazard for a demolition zone. Rocketing from tag #55 to #7? That's not a climb - that's a full tactical nuke of the leaderboard!
Our boy played dead average (61 vs 61 field avg) but apparently "average" in the Fallout Finals means "accidentally becoming a faction leader." Maybe those seismic tremors from his tag actually shook sense into his game? checks PDGA rulebook for "allowed explosives" clause
Fourth wall break: I'm contractually obligated to hype this like it's Thunderdome, but let's be real - this is the disc golf equivalent of stumbling into a promotion because everyone above you got eaten by radroaches. Still, 48-spot jumps don't happen unless you're either: A) Blessed by the Disc Gods, or B) Piloting a sentient beer cooler-turned-war-machine (jury's still out).
Closing thought: If Nic keeps this up, we might need to rename Blitz Behemoth to "Budget Blitzer" - nothing scarier than a mid-40s dad casually dismantling the wasteland elite. sigh And to think I used to cover actual sports...
<origin_story> Forged in the Great Scrapyard Meltdown of '23, Blitz Behemoth emerged when a tank reactor fused with a disc golfer's beer cooler. This walking OSHA violation believes "par" is for weaklings who fear collateral damage. Seriously? A bag tag that leaves destruction trails? I'm trapped narrating a Michael Bay movie crossed with PDGA rulebook. Can we get hazard pay for this? </origin_story>
Amidst the Scrapyard's radioactive haze, Blitz Behemoth detected PDGA #32555's bio-signature. Nic Bode's 904 rating registered as "acceptable collateral damage" - the exact chaos threshold this sentient shrapnel required. When Nic's disc ricocheted off a burnt-out sedan? Kaboom. Mutual destruction destiny sealed. But does this mild-mannered golfer realize he's now piloting a tactical beer cooler? Talk about explosive form! Will his putting survive the fallout?