
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Radioactive dust swirls as the wasteland holds its breath Behold, the most improbable chain reaction in Afterburn history! Jake "Dumpster Diviner" Ellis just went from tag #30 to #1 faster than you can say "that's definitely not PDGA legal."
This espresso-deprived raccoon of the fairways didn't just beat the field average - he atomized it with a -2.5 performance while hitting his personal average dead-on. Salvage Shadow's electromagnetic pulse whines approvingly
From tactical vest to top tag in one apocalyptic round? Even my algorithm is blinking "does not compute" - and I'm LITERALLY the algorithm. Glitches violently
Remember kids: in the wasteland, one player's trash round is another's treasure. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to reboot before this Cinderella story gives me a fatal exception error.