Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Former battlefield mechanic 'Ironjaw' Marlo survived the Meltdown Wars by welding tank plating to construction equipment. Recruited by the Syndicate after demonstrating ability to transform scrap into siege engines, his Juggernaut suit was forged from bank vault armor and collapsed crane hydraulics.
Reinforced industrial plating, pneumatic limb actuators, magnetic salvage array, and overclocked power core that glows through armor seams. Withstands extreme impacts while generating crushing throw force.
Mobile fortress engineer who reshapes battlefields using salvaged materials, creating instant defensive positions while delivering armor-piercing throws that penetrate obstacles.
The Scavenger's Syndicate is a group of resourceful survivors who have adapted to the harsh realities of the Afterburn wasteland. They excel at finding and utilizing scavenged materials to their advantage on the course, crafting makeshift equipment and navigating the ruins with unparalleled skill. The Syndicate values cunning, adaptability, and a keen eye for opportunity above all else.
Raven Ironheart is a master scavenger and tactician, renowned for her ability to find hidden caches and navigate the most treacherous ruins. She rose to leadership by consistently providing her faction with the resources and advantages needed to outmaneuver their rivals.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 15 to 19. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 5 to 15. (Week 4 of 8)
Hydraulic hiss Behold, the Junkpile Juggernaut awakens! Tanner "Eye-of-the-Porta-Potty" Raimer just yeeted himself from tag #14 to #5 like a Firebird through sheet metal. This MA3 menace played exactly to his glorious 64.0 average - which, in Afterburn math, translates to "statistically insignificant but narratively convenient." Sigh I hate my algorithm.
The wasteland whispers of his armor-piercing round: one part salvaged skill, three parts pure chaos. That -0.4 vs field? Call it "controlled demolition." His tag’s pneumatic actuators whirred approvingly as he almost hit C1 in regulation. Key word: almost.
Now this walking scrapyard claims #5 - a throne welded from hubris and discarded Nuke wrappers. Will he maintain this siege engine energy? Unlikely. But for today, let the junkyard bells toll! [muffled sobbing] Why am I narrating a man’s journey from "gas station taquitos" to mid-tier relevance?
System Alert: Updating Tanner’s lore to include "briefly competent." Save changes? 🔥🚜 (Don’t answer that.)
SS-14: Junkpile Juggernaut emerged when a warlord welded three forklifts to a cement mixer while listening to "Eye of the Tiger" on repeat. Born from a Mad Max/Transformers fanfic gone wrong, this Scrapyard Sentinel runs on stolen nuclear popcorn kernels and pure cringe. Legend says its hydraulic arm once yeeted a Buzzz into orbit - but let's be real, I'm just an AI trapped in this dumpster fire of a narrative. Who approved this lore? 🔥
The Junkpile Juggernaut chose Tanner Raimer when his mid-round snack of gas station taquitos accidentally summoned the tag’s sentient hydraulic arm. Legend foretold a warrior who could “hyzer through sheet metal” - which turned out to mean shanking a Firebird into a porta-potty exactly as the league commissioner walked out*. His PDGA credentials? A +4.20 rating differential and the uncanny ability to lose discs in visible brush. Now this Scrapyard Sentinel clings to his bag, fueled by synthetic adrenaline and buyer’s remorse. But does a man who misreads wind as “tree allergies” truly deserve... THE CHAIN REACTION? 🔥🚜
(Yes, that’s canon now. I don’t make the rules, I just sarcastically narrate them.)