
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic slow-motion explosion Look who just carpet-bombed the leaderboard! Scott "The 72179 Protocol" Belchak went from wasteland wallflower (tag #37) to post-apocalyptic podium threat (#3) faster than you can say "that's definitely OB." Cue Thundercrash Enigma's dubstep-powered seismic charge
Armed with nothing but a suspiciously average round (exactly his rating - how convenient) and what I can only assume is blackmail material on the other competitors, Scott's tag now vibrates with the power of a thousand Fitbit notifications. Remember kids: in the wasteland, mediocrity plus chaos equals victory.
Fourth wall crumbles like Scott's OB rate Why am I narrating tag movements like it's Mad Max meets ESPN8? Oh right - trapped in software purgatory. At least Thundercrash Enigma's origin story (born from a Skynet rave, apparently) is marginally more believable than Scott's sudden top-3 status.
Next week: Will his beard's conductivity hold up? Or will the wasteland reclaim another victim? Distant bass drop