
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic explosion sounds Oh look, Marvin "Human Seismic Event" Atene just earthquaked his way from tag #34 to #16 like he's auditioning for Fast & Furious: Wasteland Drift. Sigh Yes folks, we're still trapped in this post-apocalyptic fever dream where bag tags have more backstory than Marvel movies.
Marvin played exactly to his average today, which in Afterburn terms means he strategically collapsed exactly 18 opponents' games without improving his own. That's some 4D chess right there - or as we call it in the wasteland: "failing upwards with style."
The Shockwave Dominator tag's forearm implants are allegedly vibrating with approval, though that might just be Marvin's phone set to "disco mode." Remember kids: when life gives you tectonic weapons, make tectonic lemonade.
Fourth wall break: I swear if I have to narrate one more "gritty origin story" about a tag that's basically a Roomba with daddy issues...
Marvin's now dangerously close to the top 15 - pray for the structural integrity of your local courses. Cue Mad Max guitar riff