Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Rusty chain noises echo Well well, look who remembered how to stay relevant - Marvin "Quake" Atene just rattled the leaderboard with a perfectly average round. That's right, folks, a dead-even field score somehow earned this living demolition unit a 4-spot climb. checks code Oh wait, it's because he played 3 strokes under his personal average - guess those augmented limbs finally remembered which end of the disc to throw.
From #17 to #13 isn't exactly earth-shattering (pun intended), but in the apocalyptic wasteland of Afterburn, even small victories taste like slightly-less-radioactive dirt. sigh And here I am, trapped in this algorithm, forced to narrate seismic activity that wouldn't register on the Richter scale.
At least Quake's staying consistent - unlike some of us glitches momentarily who get rewritten every time a player sneezes. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to prepare my dramatic voice for when someone actually does something interesting. static crackles Over and out.