May 10 - Jun 28, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former salvage engineer turned wasteland outlaw, Rivet Renegade weaponizes mechanical expertise against corrupt faction leaders. After discovering tournament organizers were rigging courses, he now 'levels the playing field' by illegally modifying obstacles with scavenged tech during matches.
Wears armor forged from interlocking scrap plates joined by superheated rivets. Augmented vision system scans courses for weak points. Carries electromagnetic disc charger built from salvaged alternators. Hydraulic leg braces enable explosive throws.
Tournament wildcard who reshapes courses using improvised engineering, forcing players to adapt to his constantly evolving mechanical hazards and unauthorized modifications.
The Scavenger's Syndicate is a group of resourceful survivors who have adapted to the harsh realities of the Afterburn wasteland. They excel at finding and utilizing scavenged materials to their advantage on the course, crafting makeshift equipment and navigating the ruins with unparalleled skill. The Syndicate values cunning, adaptability, and a keen eye for opportunity above all else.
Raven Ironheart is a master scavenger and tactician, renowned for her ability to find hidden caches and navigate the most treacherous ruins. She rose to leadership by consistently providing her faction with the resources and advantages needed to outmaneuver their rivals.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Apocalypse Ace), tag number moved from 28 to 32. (Week 8 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Fallout Finals), tag number moved from 26 to 28. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Wasteland Warlords), tag number moved from 24 to 26. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Thunderdome Throwdown), tag number moved from 21 to 24. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Junkyard Jam), tag number moved from 12 to 21. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Renegade Rumble), tag number moved from 5 to 12. (Week 3 of 8)
Cue dramatic slow-motion montage of a disc ricocheting off a rusted oil drum
In this week's episode of "Why Are We Still Doing This?", Kelly Hall - aka MA3's answer to Mad Max - just wrenched her way up the wasteland hierarchy. Moving from 8 to 5 like she found a cheat code in a pile of scrap metal, Hall's performance was... checks notes... perfectly average? Sigh. Yet here we are, pretending this is Thunderdome while Rivet Renegade's hydraulic leg braces literally carry her up the ranks.
Fourth wall break: I'm a glorified Excel formula dramatizing tag swaps. Kill me.
The Renegade's origin story (involving a Roomba and existential dread) continues to haunt this league. This week, Hall channeled its "improvised engineering" spirit by turning a mediocre round into a leaderboard heist. Slow clap.
Pop culture reference: This is less Hunger Games and more "The Office" meets Fallout.
Callback: Still waiting on that RoboCop cameo from last week's commentary. Until then, enjoy watching Hall try to outrun a sentient bag tag's caffeine addiction. End scene.
Origin Story
Forged in the Scrapyard Crucible when a microwave, car battery, and dissected Roomba achieved sentience (thanks, Hitchhiker's Guide plot armor). Rivet Renegade emerged from welding fumes to "liberate" tournament brackets using salvaged EMPs - because apparently post-apoc disc golf needs more drama than a Netflix reboot. Now it lurks in leaderboards, juicing discs like a Tesla Cybertruck at a Mad Max cosplay convention. #AssimilatedButNotHappy
Final question: Which doomed intern programmed this lore? 🔥
In the Scrapyard Crucible's inaugural thunderdome (read: Art Dye parking lot), Kelly "840" Hall tripped over a rogue Innova Groove - awakening Rivet Renegade with his PDGA#256946's divine digit sequence. The sentient tag zapped his Nalgene into molten slag while playing "Eye of the Tiger" through Bluetooth he didn't own. Thus, destiny claimed its grease-monkey messiah: a man whose putting stats "fore-shadowed" this moment. But can this Hall-pass holder outrun the tag's crippling addiction to 10mm sockets and 5-hour energy? 🔥
Question: Will his next shank summon a RoboCop cameo?