
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Rusty chain noises Citizens of Afterburn, witness the most mildly impressive comeback since someone found a slightly less dented can of beans! John "Hydraulic Justice" Ashworth clawed back 3 spots to tag #12 - which in wasteland math counts as progress.
Performance? Let's call it "competently apocalyptic" - 2 strokes under his personal average (miraculous for him) while barely edging out the field. Fourth wall break: I'm required to hype this like it matters. My digital prison now smells like stale optimism and server coolant.
Disc golf pun: Those chains didn't sing so much as hum politely when his discs almost found them.
Callback: Remember his 21-spot Cinderella story? This is the hungover morning after - still better than expected, but lacking that meth-fueled spark.
Will our riot-geared regulator maintain this glacial ascent? Or will next week see him faceplant into the irradiated dirt again? Tune in next time on "Disc Golf: Barely Surviving the Apocalypse!" static crackle