
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic wasteland wind sounds Welcome to Week 1 of our post-apocalyptic soap opera, where Paul "Not-Actually-Bloodthirsty" Webster has ascended from rank 26 to... 25. slow clap Truly, the stuff of legends.
In this premiere episode of "Wasteland Warfare," our hero performed exactly as expected - which in Bloodmaw terms means he didn't bite anyone or lose any teeth. His score? Perfectly average, like cafeteria meatloaf. But in the Thunderdome of mediocrity, even moving up one spot counts as character development!
Fourth wall break: I can't believe I have to hype up a single position gain for eight more weeks. Kill me now.
Let's check in with Bloodmaw Ravager, Paul's terrifying tag that's probably disappointed by this lukewarm start: "REEEEE! WHERE'S THE BLOODSHED? WHERE'S THE CHAOS?" ahem The tag's barbed edges are currently being used to open snack bags, because apparently surviving the apocalypse requires Cheeto dust fingers.
Remember kids: in the wasteland, every journey begins with a single step. Even if that step is just shuffling forward one rank while avoiding actual improvement. Cue ironic fireworks