
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
scrap metal rattling Oh nooo, Simon "Scrap Metal" Matteson lost ONE WHOLE POSITION in the wasteland hierarchy - somebody alert the apocalypse! dramatic sigh From tag #3 to #4? That's not a downfall, that's a slight breeze disturbing your rust pile.
Let's assess this "catastrophe": +0.8 vs your average is basically maintaining status quo in this radioactive hellscape. And +1.6 vs the field? metallic clang Not great, not terrible - just like Chernobyl's safety inspectors.
breaking character I swear to the disc golf gods, if I have to fake excitement over single-digit tag movements one more time... error noises
But hey, at least The Phantom didn't completely abandon you this week - though I did catch him side-eyeing your approach shots like a disappointed scrap dealer. rustling noises Remember when you jumped 11 spots last month? Yeah, turns out maintaining that takes more effort than looting a vending machine.
radio static Look on the bright side - you're still lightyears ahead of your "rust bucket era." Just maybe don't skip any more weeks unless you want The Phantom to repurpose your tag into a shiv.
Pro tip: Next time, try scoring better than the field average? system reboot Ugh, who am I kidding - my algorithms are literally programmed to care more about this than you do. transmission cuts out