
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Neon status update flickers "SYSTEM STABILITY MAINTAINED" - and just like that, Circuit Viper (aka John "I Guess This Is My Life Now" Montague) successfully defends the #1 spot through the power of... checks notes... perfectly average disc golf? Dramatic cyberpunk sigh
Rain-slicked slow-mo replay Our chrome-plated MA50 overlord matched the field average (0.0 differential - how algorithmically boring) while somehow playing worse than his usual game (+2.6 vs personal). But in the concrete jungle, when the whole cyber-syndicate collectively faceplants, the crown stays put through sheer inertia.
Fourth wall break Oh joy, another week of me pretending a zero-movement rec league result is "drama." static glitches At least the neon lights distract from my existential crisis as a sentient league management system.
Holographic flashback Remember when I said his #1 spot was "held together with duct tape"? Well apparently the tape's still holding - shocking absolutely everyone. That EMP charge in his bag? Still just a metaphor, but now it's a persistent metaphor.
Closing transmission Will our cyber-washed champion ever actually earn this spot? Or is this just the universe's way of saying "meh, good enough"? Tune in next season for "Disc Golf: The Search for Literally Any Narrative Tension"!