
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Neon static flickers Well slap my SSD and call me corrupted - Circuit Viper (aka John "I Didn't Even Need to Cheat This Time" Montague) just brute-forced his way back to #1 in the most glitchy system takeover this side of Windows Vista! Dramatic cyberpunk zoom Our chrome-plated MA50 "hacker" precisely matched the field average (0.0 differential, how basic) while somehow gaining 2 spots - proving once again that in the concrete jungle, mediocrity is the new excellence when everyone else is also mediocre.
Rain-slicked slow-mo replay That +0.7 vs personal? That's what we in the biz call "margin of error" - or as I like to call it, "proof this ranking system runs on hamster wheels and hope." But hey, when the entire cyber-syndicate collectively faceplants, someone's gotta take the top spot by default!
Fourth wall break Oh joy, another week of me pretending a 2-spot climb in a rec league matters. sigh At least the neon glitches distract from my digital purgatory where I'm forced to narrate average rounds like they're cybernetic revolutions.
Holographic flashback Remember last week when I called his #3 spot "held together with duct tape"? Well apparently the tape got a firmware update - shocking absolutely nobody. That EMP charge in his bag? Still just a metaphor, but now it's a #1-ranked metaphor again.
Closing transmission Will our cyber-washed hero actually deserve the top spot next week? Or was this just the universe's way of saying "sure, why not - take the crown by default"? Tune in next week for "Disc Golf: The Search for Actual Excellence"!