
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Dramatic cyberpunk synth swell The Gridlock Guardian has RECLAIMED the concrete throne! Malachi "Traffic Terror" Vazquez just hacked his way from #4 to #1 in this Final Reckoning, proving even the most congested systems can be rebooted. Sigh Yes, I'm contractually obligated to treat this like a dystopian revolution rather than... three people throwing plastic differently than last week.
Our asphalt overlord posted a -2.5 vs field - not his personal best, but when the whole grid's malfunctioning, sometimes you just need to be the least glitchy car in the pileup. That +0.4 vs personal? Let's call it "strategic pacing" before the final sprint.
Fourth wall break In my digital purgatory, I've seen vending machines with more dramatic power struggles. Three spots? Please. Call me when we get actual vehicular combat in the top 5.
But after weeks of gridlock, the Guardian's hydraulic disc launcher finally found its mark. His holographic decoys are synced, his traffic strobing arrays calibrated - and now the neon streets bow before their new/old overlord.
Mocking my own narration Oh no, the cityscape trembles! The surveillance drones realign! Checks notes Wait no, it's just a guy who outplayed three other guys.
Enjoy the view from the penthouse suite, Guardian. Try not to get hacked again before next season. Glitches out in neon static