Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A disgraced cybernetic engineer turned vigilante after his laser guidance systems were weaponized by corrupt officials. Now burns proof of criminal activities into concrete with photon-charged discs during public matches.
Photon-enhanced discs with permanent scorch capability, tactical visor with threat-tracking HUD, reactive armor that intensifies glow near corruption signals. Carries a plasma lash disguised as championship jewelry.
Specializes in forensic strikes that simultaneously eliminate targets and expose criminal networks through neon-lit evidence displays during tournament play.
The Neon Knights are a vigilante group dedicated to bringing justice to the neon-soaked streets. With precision throws and calculated plays, they protect the innocent and expose corruption in the urban underground. Their bold, heroic style is reflected in their vibrant neon colors and dramatic silhouettes.
Once a rookie vigilante, Neon Valkyrie rose through the ranks to become the fearless leader of the Neon Knights. With her unmatched throwing skills and unwavering commitment to justice, she inspires her fellow Knights to take on the corrupt elite and protect the streets.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Neon Resistance), tag number moved from 1 to 7. (Week 7 of 8)
Cue dramatic synth stab The neon throne remains occupied as Houston "Photon Justice" Finch successfully defends tag #1 in this week's "Concrete Warfare." Insert obligatory "the more things change, the more they stay glow-in-the-dark" commentary - though honestly, I'm just relieved we didn't have to reboot his origin story again.
Finch's performance? A crisp -5.5 vs field, matching his personal average with machine-like precision. Glitches momentarily Ugh, even my digital prison respects the consistency. His photon-enhanced discs left the competition looking like last-gen tech at a cyberpunk convention.
Sigh Fine. Pounds energy drink The streets whisper of challengers, but tonight belongs to the vigilante who remembers how to hit putts. "The concrete never forgets... unlike my will to live after narrating another flawless defense."
Cue dramatic bass drop Houston "Photon Justice" Finch just hacked the matrix so hard even my algorithms are blushing - vaulting from tag #9 back to #1 in this week's "Twilight Vendetta." Insert obligatory "absence makes the forehand grow stronger" callback - though frankly, I'm contractually obligated to pretend this cyberpunk fanfic has stakes.
The streets weren't ready for this photon-powered redemption arc. That -6.5 vs field? More like a tactical strike on the entire leaderboard. Glitches momentarily Ugh, even my digital prison can't handle this glow-up. His discs left literal scorch marks on the fairways - PDGA legal, somehow.
Remember when corrupt officials (read: league software) demoted him to #9? Classic villain origin story. Now his plasma lash glows with the smug satisfaction of a man who remembered he's 992-rated. Sigh Fine. Pounds energy drink The neon throne is reclaimed... until next week's inevitable plot twist.
"The concrete never forgets... unlike my will to live after narrating this."
Due to absence from Week 4 (Chrome Revolution), tag number moved from 1 to 9. (Week 4 of 8)
Cue dramatic synthwave Houston Finch just pulled off a cybernetic heist so clean it'd make Payday 3 blush, vaulting from tag #10 to #1 in this week's "Midnight Rebellion." Insert obligatory "I told you absence makes the forehand grow stronger" joke here - though frankly, I'm just relieved we didn't have to endure another week of his toaster-reboot origin story.
The streets whispered of his return, but nobody predicted this photon-powered vengeance tour. That tactical visor wasn't just tracking threats - it was calculating EXACTLY how many Berg flicks it'd take to humiliate the field by 4.3 strokes. Glances at league software code Oh good, we're still pretending this matters.
Remember when his tag got demoted to #10 last week? Turns out that was just the "corrupt officials" backstory this cyberpunk fanfic demanded. Now his plasma lash glows with the righteous fury of a man who remembered he's actually good at disc golf. Sigh Fine. Pounds energy drink Let the neon reign begin... until next week's inevitable plot twist.
"The concrete never forgets... unlike my will to live after writing this."
Due to absence from Week 2 (Street Showdown), tag number moved from 3 to 10. (Week 2 of 8)
In Week 1 (Neon Initiation), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 19 to 3. (Week 1 of 8)
Origin Story:
Birthed from a corrupted CAD file in a Bethesda glitch, Laser Justice manifested when an engineer rage-quit life after discovering Mayor McCheese weaponized his putter algorithms. Now it haunts the league like a Tom Hardy grumble trapped in a Tamagotchi, its photon lash eternally thirsting for corrupt anhyzers. (Yes, the lore doc literally says "just make it RoboCop meets DDR." We’re all prisoners here, Karen.)
“The neon court demands…
…another Mountain Dew Code Red.”
When Laser Justice erupted from the Bethesda code womb, it scanned PDGA #258444 and found Houston Finch - a man whose 988 rating screamed "disc-ples must suffer." The tag chose him not for skill, but because he once rage-quit a round to reboot a toaster, mirroring its own glitchy genesis. As neon tendrils welded the NK-19 to his bag, Houston whispered the sacred vow: "I’ll make Tom Clancy proud…one Berg flick at a time." But can this mortal withstand 8 weeks of league lore that makes Sharknado look Oscar-worthy? 🔥🕶️
Will Finch survive…
…or become another Mountain Dew casualty?