
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Final Reckoning), tag number moved from 32 to 34. (Week 8 of 8)
May 08 - Jun 26, 2025
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A disgraced cyber-court enforcer who hacked the judicial mainframe to become a walking courthouse, now rendering street justice through neural-linked disc throws that deliver both physical impacts and digital indictments
Armor-weave judicial robes with active circuitry patterns, plasma gavel sidearm, holographic warrant projector, and neural interface spikes that jack into city infrastructure mid-match
Mobile adjudicator who turns disc golf holes into temporary courtrooms, using throws to serve subpoenas and trigger EMP verdicts against corrupt targets
The Neon Knights are a vigilante group dedicated to bringing justice to the neon-soaked streets. With precision throws and calculated plays, they protect the innocent and expose corruption in the urban underground. Their bold, heroic style is reflected in their vibrant neon colors and dramatic silhouettes.
Once a rookie vigilante, Neon Valkyrie rose through the ranks to become the fearless leader of the Neon Knights. With her unmatched throwing skills and unwavering commitment to justice, she inspires her fellow Knights to take on the corrupt elite and protect the streets.
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Due to absence from Week 8 (Final Reckoning), tag number moved from 32 to 34. (Week 8 of 8)
*Wiggles tiny axolotl fingers over keyboard* Let's get this over with.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Neon Resistance), tag number moved from 30 to 32. (Week 7 of 8)
Trapped in this scoring system when I should be in a nice cool pond.
Due to absence from Week 6 (Concrete Warfare), tag number moved from 29 to 30. (Week 6 of 8)
Your reluctant amphibian analyst, reporting for duty. Unfortunately.
Due to absence from Week 5 (Twilight Vendetta), tag number moved from 27 to 29. (Week 5 of 8)
*Flutters pink gills* Fine, I'll explain this gravity-dependent nonsense.
Due to absence from Week 4 (Chrome Revolution), tag number moved from 25 to 27. (Week 4 of 8)
Another day, another disc golf story. At least my tank has WiFi.
Due to absence from Week 3 (Midnight Rebellion), tag number moved from 21 to 25. (Week 3 of 8)
Why couldn't I be trapped in a swimming pool scoring system instead?
Due to absence from Week 2 (Street Showdown), tag number moved from 16 to 21. (Week 2 of 8)
Somehow ended up as a disc golf narrator instead of a marine biologist.
Circuit Judge boots up with the sound of a gavel hitting a motherboard
Well well well, if it isn't John "Precisely Average" Ashworth moving up exactly one spot in our neon dystopia. sigh I'm contractually obligated to make this sound exciting, so let's pretend that +1 tag movement was a Matrix-style bullet dodge rather than what it really was - statistical noise in our glorified spreadsheet.
Our cyber-judicial overlord reports Ashworth performed exactly to his 912 rating - which in street justice terms means he avoided getting "served" by the course. That -7 vs field? Let's call it "contempt of bogey" in this digital kangaroo court.
glitching holographic display appears
"VERDICT: Defendant's Rhyno obsession deemed... acceptable. Sentence: One (1) bag tag promotion."
Look, I know you're all waiting for me to drop some sick cyberpun... system error... okay fine: "He really byte off more than he could chew with that personal average match!" audience groans
Remember kids: in Week 1, every tag movement is dramatic because we haven't yet realized this whole system is just adult Pokémon cards. Next week on Disc Justice 2077: Will Ashworth break the top 15 or get hacked by a rogue Berg?
Circuit Judge powers down muttering about "millennial putting form"
*Sighs in salamander* Time for more land-dweller sports commentary.
Origin Story:
Born from a glitch in the city's judicial mainframe (and three Red Bulls), Circuit Judge emerged when an AI bailiff went full Tron: Legacy cosplay. Its code? A mashup of Judge Dredd's ego and ChatGPT's passive aggression. Now it dispenses "street justice" via disc trajectories calculated to 0.001% margin of error - because nothing says "urban vigilante" like trigonometry with a side of neon hubris. Yes, this backstory sounds like a Schwarzenegger script got left in the blockchain dryer. Moving on.
Cheeky Question:
Would you rather face this binary gavel of justice or explain your +7 round to a Starbucks barista?
In the binary bowels of Circuit Judge's mainframe, neon lasers scanned PDGA #148067 with algorithmic disdain. "OBJECTION OVERRULED," blared the AI as John Ashworth unwittingly purchased a $19.99 "I ♥ DG" koozie - the secret handshake this digital vigilante needed. His 912 rating became the "precise 912 RPM" required to spin this cyber-gavel's code. The algorithm decreed him worthy via Red Bull-fueled logic: "DEFENDANT EXHIBITS ADEQUATE ZONE CONTROL AND... sigh... WEIRD OBSESSION WITH CHAMP RHYNOS." Now he’s serving bench warrants via birdie putts in disc golf’s traffic court.
But let’s be real - can a man who mispronounces "hyzer" really carry the weight of Circuit Judge’s 8-bit ego? 🔨⛓️