
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic synthwave Look who just hacked the mainframe of mediocrity - it's Thomas "The Socket" Sautel, climbing 5 tags like he's parkouring away from last season's tree-related trauma. sigh Yes folks, we're back in this neon hellscape where grown adults pretend plastic numbers matter.
Chain Breaker's origin story (which reads like a discarded Blade Runner fanfic) finally found its muse - a man who played exactly to his average like some sort of disc golf cyborg. eye roll That -2.5 vs field? Call it beginner's luck or call it... actually no, let's just call it luck.
From tag 16 to 11 in one round? adjusts holographic fedora Someone's been practicing their "vigilante justice" between KwikTrip shifts. But remember kids - this is week ONE. That glowstick glow-up could fade faster than the credibility of this league's narrative framework.
static crackle Oh great, now the tag's whispering Fight Club quotes again. Look, just take your 5-position power trip and try not to chainsaw any more trees, yeah? system error noises I hate my job.