Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
A former riot control officer who discovered his squad served corrupt officials. Forged electrified tonfa from police drone parts, now leading assaults against crooked law enforcement.
Reactive composite armor with combat-intensifying neon panels. Twin stun-pulse tonfa. Magnetic grip boots for scaling urban structures. Voice modulator that echoes threats through riot helmets.
Breaches enemy strongholds using crowd control tactics reversed against corrupt forces. Specializes in turning security systems against their operators.
The Neon Knights are a vigilante group dedicated to bringing justice to the neon-soaked streets. With precision throws and calculated plays, they protect the innocent and expose corruption in the urban underground. Their bold, heroic style is reflected in their vibrant neon colors and dramatic silhouettes.
Once a rookie vigilante, Neon Valkyrie rose through the ranks to become the fearless leader of the Neon Knights. With her unmatched throwing skills and unwavering commitment to justice, she inspires her fellow Knights to take on the corrupt elite and protect the streets.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Neon Resistance), tag number moved from 28 to 30. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Concrete Warfare), tag number moved from 27 to 28. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Twilight Vendetta), tag number moved from 25 to 27. (Week 5 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 4 (Chrome Revolution), tag number moved from 23 to 25. (Week 4 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 3 (Midnight Rebellion), tag number moved from 18 to 23. (Week 3 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 2 (Street Showdown), tag number moved from 10 to 18. (Week 2 of 8)
Cue synthwave track with unnecessary gun cocking sounds
Behold Kieran "The Berg Bandit" Buhler, crashing MA2's party like a glowstick-wielding vigilante who actually read the rulebook. ~dramatic neon silhouette pose~ Our former riot cop just turned his #15 tag into a #10 faster than you can say "ACAB" through a karaoke mic.
Performance breakdown:
Tag lore callback: That "electrified tonfa" made from police drone parts? Turns out it's great for smashing expectations. ~sigh~ I hate how this backstory somehow works.
Fourth wall break: ~gestures at cyberpunk aesthetic~ We both know this is just a dude in dad sneakers throwing plastic, right? But sure, let's pretend it's Blade Runner meets PDGA Rulebook.
Closing thought: 5 spots in Week 1? Either a meteoric rise or ~glitches ominously~ the system's rigged. Place your bets before Episode 2: "Street Showdown."
Origin Story:
Born when a police taser mated with a glowstick during an LED fever dream, Riot Blade emerged from dumpster-fire bureaucracy like a John Wick sequel directed by RoboCop's drunk cousin. Its "electrified tonfa" was literally just repurposed Roomba parts until the Neon Knights added ✨aesthetic violence✨. Now it haunts municipal golf courses muttering "ACAB" through a Walmart karaoke mic - peak dystopian cosplay. ~sigh~ I’m contractually obligated to say this is cool.
(Yes, this backstory took 3 Red Bulls and a Zoomer intern. Pray for me.)
In the neon-drenched alley where Riot Blade first sparked to life (read: behind a Taco Bell dumpster), Kieran Buhler tripped over destiny… and a rogue Berg. The tag’s PDGA 140197 “prophecy” ~air quotes~ apparently required a man who could huck putters and rock dad sneakers unironically. As arcade synths swelled, our hero’s shadow struck a pose worthy of Jean-Claude Van Dork—backhanding a squirrel mid-chicken-wing throw. “Welcome to the chain gang,” growled the tag through its Dollar Tree voice modulator. But does a guy whose best ace was a ricochet off a porta-potty truly wield ✨electro-justice✨?
~sighs in forced narration~ Must we do this every season?