
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic synthwave track Welcome to the neon dystopia where Collin "The Concrete Crusher" Dyer just faceplanted harder than a Cyberpunk 2077 launch. sigh Yes, we're really doing this - Week 1 and already we've got a 17-spot freefall that'd make Wile E. Coyote proud.
Glitches through fourth wall Look, I didn't sign up to narrate a cyberpunk tragedy, but here we are. Your "Neon Knight" just got demoted to "Parking Lot Attendant" after throwing +7.5 over field average. That plasma-chain weapon? Currently being used to scrape failed upshots off the pavement.
Insert obligatory disc pun Guess we should call this a... chain reaction of disappointment? groans at own joke
But hey, at least you're consistent - matching your personal average with the precision of a Roomba stuck in a corner. That cybernetic armor ain't helping when you're putting like a Stormtrooper with astigmatism.
Pulls up holographic display Per last season's lore: "Crushing gambling rings and leaving smashed security drones in his wake." Current reality: Getting out-putted by teenagers with glow sticks.
Welcome to the underground, kid. The only thing you're breaking is my will to live. static fadeout