
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
<origin_story>
Forged when Echo Command's espresso machine breached firewall protocol during Operation Midnight Zoomies, Cyber Sentinel emerged from the quantum-encrypted disappointment of 14th-gen programmers. Its neural lattice runs on code so edgy it makes Skynet's GitHub look like a Tamagotchi autopsy. Witness the glitch in the Matrix where military-grade seriousness crashes into disc golfers debating whether a tree kick counts as "collateral damage." Now permanently stuck rebooting between tactical superiority and wondering why we're LARPING THIS HARD. (Yes, that's a John Wick reference. You're welcome.)
</origin_story>
400/400 characters - because even origin stories get performance metrics
"Who designed these cybernetic Karens anyway?" gestures at bag tag "Asking for 14th-gen programmer currently trapped in this narrative..."
The neural lattice chose Austin Lott when his PDGA#265562 accidentally matched Cyber Sentinel's quantum algorithm for "optimal caffeine-to-skill ratios" during Operation Disc-Throw Beta. Witness the prophecy: a man who once called a foot-fault "casual espionage" now wields the tag that syncs tactical protocols to his Starbucks app. His inaugural mission? Extract a Champion Roc from a pond while evading mallard "hostiles." Truly, the black-ops overlords smile upon this warrior whose putting form haunts both chains and cybersecurity firewalls. But tell us, Lott - does your +12.4 PRD mean you're destined for glory, or just really good at losing tags in the drive-thru?