
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Origin Story:
"Picture 13th-century Kabbalists arguing Talmudic TikTok comments while sculpting Broxa Keeper from ritual bath runoff. Yes, Karen, we’re literally a haunted pool noodle. Our ‘granite feathers’ clap back at impurities like a Ghostbusters containment unit crossed with a Kosher Alexa. Born when some rabbi muttered ‘f*ck it, let’s weaponize a chicken demon’ during a very awkward mikveh renovation. Still better lore than The Mummy reboot."
(Yes, you’re rooting for sentient bathwater. No, we won’t discuss why.)
Cheeky Q: Who’s gonna explain to new players they’re carrying a drama queen spa guardian? 😏
Origin Story:
When the Broxa Keeper awoke in Art Dye’s parking lot, it sniffed out Jared Cloward’s PDGA#296066 – “Ah, the sacred sequence! 29 foretold his putt’s pH balance, 60 his tolerance for tree kicks, 66 his midrange mikveh-ntain!” Destiny? Please. This golem just needed someone who’d carry its drama through 18 holes without questioning why a “Guardian” tag whines about divots. Will the man survive being a sentient spa towel’s pack mule? Or will his next shank summon an exorcist? 💦⛓️
Cheeky Q: Does Jared realize his "holy grail" doubles as a very moist emotional support demon?