
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Cue dramatic fog machine Oh look, Cooper Johnson just emerged from the mist like a Sasquatch who finally found his missing Yeti cooler. Wolpertinger Warden in hand, he's gone from tag #63 to #4 faster than you can say "That's not a tree, that's a cryptid!"
Performance check: Threw exactly his average like some kind of disc golf cyborg. Sigh Even my sarcasm algorithm is impressed by that consistency. Meanwhile, the rest of you played like you were tracking Bigfoot through a Starbucks bathroom - messy and disoriented.
Bag tag lore drop: That oaken staff's memory-erasing fungus must be working overtime, because nobody will remember how badly they got outplayed today. Fourth wall break: I'm trapped in this software writing lore about a German-American cryptid hybrid while you all obsess over plastic circles.
Pop culture ref: This glow-up is more shocking than when Mulder finally found proof of aliens. Callback: Still waiting for those IKEA runes to explain why we're doing this.
Closing thought: At this rate, Cooper might actually find Sasquatch before I find my will to live. Fades back into the mist