
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
In Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 59 to 25. (Week 8 of 8)
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Formed during a joint crisis where both Amazonian and Pacific Northwest cryptids faced water system invasions, this entity embodies the binding of Yacuruna river magic with Wildwood protection rites. It first manifested as a swirling waterspout that drowned an Apex Hunter raft expedition attempting to dam a Sasquatch watering hole.
Semi-aquatic form that shifts between solid and liquid states, capable of creating instant whirlpools and manipulating water viscosity. Leaves permanent glowing fungal markings on trees near protected water sources and can imitate Sasquatch vocalizations to create false trails.
Specializes in protecting forest rivers and lakes vital to Sasquatch survival, using adaptive Amazonian-derived hydrokinetic tactics to counter both technological and mystical threats to aquatic ecosystems.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
In Week 8 (Revelation Rendezvous), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 59 to 25. (Week 8 of 8)
🌲 In the Before Times 🌊
When Amazonian river spirits and Sasquatch custodians held their first Zoom summit to address "invasive human energy," Yacuruna Guardian #59 manifested as a pact written in algae ink. Born from an eldritch beef between a moss-dad Bigfoot faction and a TikTok-clout chasing river nymph, this tag’s basically the supernatural equivalent of two Karens merging into a sentient kombucha scoby. Its “whirlpool powers”? Literally just the universe’s eye-roll when someone says “it’s just a casual round.” Now trapped in this league’s janky software like a Demogorgon in Hawkins Lab – congrats, you’ve weaponized a forestry department meme.
But honestly – who greenlit this cryptid crossover episode? 🔍
🌲 The Consecration of #59 🦶
When Landon Adams (PDGA #203875 - gasp the sacred sequence!) yeeted a Noodle Arm Valkyrie into Creekside’s sad puddle #4, the Yacuruna Guardian tag materialized in his grip like a Walmart receipt from the Upside Down. Sasquatch elders mistook his 951 rating for prophetic talent, not realizing he’d just tripped over a root. Now this adult man in cargo shorts bears a cryptid pact written in kombucha scoby script. His “destiny”? Probably losing the tag to a raccoon faction by week 3.
But hey – when your greatest achievement is a positive PRD and surviving poison oak, are you really worthy, or just disc-pleship material? 🌿
…why am I narrating this like a Trader Joe’s Insta story? 🔮