Ninki-nanka Defender
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Created through an alliance between Gambian cryptid elders and Rowan Oakwood's expedition, this entity combines West African Ninki-nanka protection techniques with Pacific Northwest forest magic to form a new hybrid guardian.
Possesses supernatural threat detection, hybrid physical/mystical resistance, and the ability to create temporary protective wards using enchanted forest materials. Its connection to water sources enables advanced tracking through moisture patterns.
Patrols spiritually vulnerable areas of Sasquatch territory, maintaining mystical barriers and serving as both early warning system and supernatural defender against dark forces.
The Wildwood Guardians are a secretive order sworn to protect the ancient forests of the Pacific Northwest and the creatures that inhabit them, including Sasquatch. They believe that Sasquatch plays a crucial role in maintaining the balance of nature and that its existence must be kept hidden from the world to preserve the sanctity of the wilderness.
Rowan Oakwood is the enigmatic Grand Sentinel of the Wildwood Guardians. Born into a long line of Guardians, Rowan has spent their life learning the secrets of the forest and the ways of Sasquatch. They are a master tracker and an expert in ancient forest lore.
In Week 7 (Apex Approach), the player improved their position with tag number changing from 56 to 19. (Week 7 of 8)
Dramatic woodcut illustration of a disc golfer being carried off by Sasquatch appears Oh look, Baylor Sandberg just pulled off the disc golf equivalent of finding Bigfoot - jumping from 56 to 19 like he discovered some ancient Ninki-nanka driving technique. Flips through enchanted scorecards
Let me get this straight - you played exactly to your average while the field collectively choked harder than a hiker spotting a Yeti? And this qualifies as a "spiritual patrol" performance? Sigh Fine. Your tag's mystical wards apparently repelled 37 competitors like they were tourists with blurry camera footage.
Fourth wall crumbles I swear if I have to narrate one more "average round becomes heroic ascent" story in this cryptid-themed purgatory... But hey, at least you're putting that hybrid resistance to work - your scorecard took more hits than a Sasquatch hoax video yet somehow emerged victorious.
Next week: Will Baylor maintain his position as the forest's supernatural bouncer, or will he vanish into the mist like all credible evidence of Bigfoot? Cue X-Files theme on kazoo