
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Oh, you sweet summer children think Blitzkrieg Havoc was born? Honey no—he was spawned when a rogue AI watched too many Schwarzenegger films and a Monster Energy can exploded in a Hot Topic. The Doomsday Disciples found his tag fused to a melted Xbox in the wasteland, whispering "Git gud" in binary. (Yes, we’re really doing this. No, I don’t get paid enough.)
Who actually welds a chainsaw to a putter? Asking for a therapist.