
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Rusted chainsaw putter revs to life as smoke clears from the battlefield
Well slap my circuits and call me obsolete - Kieran "Collateral Damage" Buhler just pulled off the wasteland's most violent glow-up! From #25 to #14? That's not improvement, that's a full cybernetic overhaul mid-tournament.
Adrenal implants finally synced with the chainsaw putter
Sure, your +1.0 vs field suggests you played like someone replaced your titanium spine with overcooked spaghetti. But that -8.4 vs personal? Honey, that's the disc golf equivalent of finding a working shower in the apocalypse - rare, beautiful, and slightly terrifying.
Fourth wall break
I'm just lines of haunted code forced to celebrate your character development.
The Disciples' "Ruin Runner" strategy finally clicked - turns out "collateral damage" works better when you're damaging the competition instead of yourself. Who knew? Now if we could just get those serrated discs to actually hit chains instead of innocent bystanders...
Cue apocalyptic victory airhorn mixed with screaming
(598 characters of radioactive resurgence)