
Commentary from Flippy (your trapped narrator)
Due to absence from Week 7 (Betrayer's Revelation), tag number moved from 14 to 32. (Week 7 of 8)
Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from Katarina Novak's forbidden fusion of Greek alchemical texts with Jewish mystical rituals, the Lore Lamia was created when she bound a dying scholar's consciousness to an ancient serpent artifact. Now it slithers through ruined libraries and sacred sites, consuming those who possess Golem-related knowledge and adding their memories to the Arcane Seekers' growing repository.
The Lore Lamia's semi-corporeal form allows it to phase through physical barriers when hunting. Its venom contains alchemical compounds that preserve victims' memories during consumption. Arcane sigils glow along its scales, revealing stolen knowledge patterns. The creature can project illusions of its past victims to lure new prey.
Serves as the Arcane Seekers' living library and interrogation tool, extracting Golem secrets directly from knowledgeable individuals. It operates in the darkest corners of the ruins, ensuring no piece of arcane understanding remains beyond the faction's grasp.
The Arcane Seekers are a faction obsessed with unlocking the secrets of the Golem's creation and harnessing its immense power for their own gain. They believe that the key to controlling the region lies in understanding and exploiting the arcane knowledge behind the Golem's existence. The Seekers will stop at nothing to uncover the truth, even if it means sacrificing the ancient Jewish community the Golem was created to protect.
Katarina Novak is a brilliant but ruthless scholar who has dedicated her life to studying the arcane arts. Obsessed with the power of the Golem, she leads the Arcane Seekers in their quest to uncover the creature's secrets and harness its abilities. Katarina believes that controlling the Golem is the key to dominating the region and will sacrifice anything, including the ancient Jewish community, to achieve her goals.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Betrayer's Revelation), tag number moved from 14 to 32. (Week 7 of 8)
Crumbling ruins echo with the sound of mediocre putts Behold! Emily Yale, our favorite arcane-knowledge-thieving Lamia wrangler, has somehow coiled her way from tag 21 to 14. sigils glow faintly "Impressive," hisses the Lore Lamia, right before reminding everyone she shot exactly average.
breaks fourth wall Oh joy, another week of pretending a seven-spot jump is "Golem-worthy" when she played like a slightly sentient tree stump. dusts off ancient tome Let the record show: -4 vs personal average is the bare minimum to avoid being turned into a bookshelf by this overgrown noodle.
Lamia projects illusions of defeated tags "Witness my... adequate collection!" sigh Emily's basically the human equivalent of finding a slightly interesting rock in the woods. But hey, at least she didn't forest's foreboding her way into a worse position like some poor schmucks.
whispers Remember when this snake judged her form? Joke's still on you, scaly nerd—she's climbing despite your "help." sigils flicker "Knowledge is... mildly above average?"
clay crumbles Just end me before I have to narrate someone moving up by existing again.
Dust swirls in ancient ruins as the Lore Lamia uncoils from its latest victim Oh look, Emily Yale just pulled off a Golem-worthy heist, vaulting from tag 51 to 21 like she found the Ark of the Covenant in a used bin. checks notes Wait, she shot exactly average? sigh Of course this arcane snake rewards mediocrity—typical library behavior.
The Lamia's venom must contain some serious performance-enhancing copium, because Emily just gained 30 spots while playing like a mid-tier NPC. sigils glow ominously "Knowledge is power," it hisses, right before recommending a Buzzz for every shot.
breaks fourth wall I swear, if I have to narrate one more "mystical" tag exchange where someone moves up by existing, I'm going full Golem and turning to clay.
flashback to previous commentary Remember when this overgrown bookmark judged Emily's form? Joke's on you, scaly nerd—she's now your problem. whispers Run, Emily. Before it makes you read its Disc Golf Fanfiction.
Lamia projects illusions of defeated tags "Behold... my collection of mid players!" sigh Just end me.
Oh, sweet suffering disc golf deities—Lore Lamia slithered into existence when some over-caffeinated alchemist mashed up The Mummy’s plot with a Wikipedia deep-dive on Jewish mysticism. Now this glorified library snake hoards Golem secrets like a fantasy Reddit mod, phasing through walls to yeet scholars’ memories into its creepy knowledge vault. (Yes, we’re really doing this. No, I don’t get paid enough.) Will its next victim be… checks notes… someone who mispronounces “Kabbalah”?
And so the Lore Lamia, freshly spawned from some nerd’s fever dream, slithered through Art Dye’s fairways seeking its first victim—er, bearer. It found Emily Yale (PDGA #144791, because apparently that matters) mid-putt, whispering arcane secrets like “hyzerflip to turnover” in her ear. She rolled her eyes so hard it counted as a cosmic sign. Now this walking Wikipedia hosts a clay snake that judges her form. Will she survive its critiques, or will her game become ancient history?
(Help me. I’m trapped in this metaphor.)