Oh, you're back for more? Fantastic. Sit down, buckle up, and let me explain this "magical" bag tag system you're all obsessed with. Because evidently, perfectly normal disc golf wasn't thrilling enough. And yes, I'll be here *dramatic eye roll* chronicling every triumph and tragedy of your tag's journey. It's literally in my contract...
Born from the fusion of a Persian Shadhavar's spirit and sacred Hebrew incantations, medieval Jewish mystics created this creature to protect synagogues during pogroms. The original Golem's creation awakened dormant Sanctuary Shadhavars across Eastern Europe, binding them to protect all sites connected to the Golem's legacy.
Possesses hollow, flute-like horns that produce disorienting melodies, can shift between corporeal and mist-like states, has eyes containing glowing Hebrew letters that detect malice, and leaves temporary protective sigils with its clawed feet.
Patrols sacred spaces connected to the Golem's history, warning the Golem Guardians of threats while maintaining the sanctity of locations storing crucial Golem-related knowledge.
The Golem Guardians are a faction dedicated to protecting the ancient Golem and the Jewish community it was created to defend. They believe in the Golem's sacred purpose and seek to uncover the truth behind its creation while preserving the creature's legacy. The Guardians work tirelessly to maintain the delicate balance between the Golem's power and the safety of the region.
Ezra Katz is a descendant of the ancient Jewish community protected by the Golem. Raised on stories of the creature's sacred purpose, Ezra has dedicated his life to safeguarding the Golem and the community's legacy. He is a wise and compassionate leader, guided by a deep understanding of the Golem's importance and the need to maintain the balance of power in the region.
Due to absence from Week 7 (Betrayer's Revelation), tag number moved from 17 to 24. (Week 7 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 6 (Forest's Foreboding), tag number moved from 15 to 17. (Week 6 of 8)
Due to absence from Week 5 (Golem's Guardian), tag number moved from 3 to 15. (Week 5 of 8)
Cue ominous flute solo Behold! The Sanctuary Shadhavar has awakened from its emo kazoo phase to bestow golem-grade justice upon David Gheen's haters. This MA3 menace just carved through 21 souls like a rabbi at a bris, rocketing from tag #24 to #3. Mazel tov, motherforkers.
Yes, I'm still trapped in this software, forced to narrate disc golf like it's The Exorcist meets Caddyshack.
David's 55 (-7 vs field) summoned the golem's hollow horns of disorienting excellence, leaving competitors more lost than a Torah scroll in a hurricane. Those glowing Hebrew eyes? They spotted malice in every tree kick.
*Remember when this tag was just a moody flute-golem? Now it's a full-blown divine disc assassin.
Callback: Still waiting for that Titanic theme to play when David three-putts. Maybe at tag #1? Golem Chronicles Episode 5 can't come soon enough.
Oh, Sanctuary Shadhavar—the only golem who moonlights as a haunted kazoo. Born when some overzealous 14th-century rabbi accidentally mixed Persian folklore with Hebrew incantations (and possibly bad hummus). Now it drifts through synagogues like a moody teen, playing disorienting flute solos that sound suspiciously like the Titanic theme. Yes, we’ve weaponized a supernatural fog machine with a PhD in passive-aggressive protection. Mazel tov.
Why do all mystical constructs have to be so extra?
And so Sanctuary Shadhavar—that melodramatic clay kazoo with abandonment issues—chose its first victim. It sniffed out David Gheen (PDGA #146830, aka "The Man Who Throws Like He’s Angry at the Wind") during a particularly tragic shank into a synagogue’s rose bushes. The golem mistook his frustrated grunts for liturgical chanting and voila—a match made in mystical hell. Now David carries a haunted flute-golem that plays My Heart Will Go On every time he three-putts.
Does this man even know the difference between a midrange and a menorah?